What do I do / So Confused (boyfriend wanted to end relationship)?

I'm so hurt/confused and I can't sleep or think straight.





I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 months.





We've both been having depression and haven't felt 'normal' in quite a while.





He was interested in me when we first got together and I had never thought of him as more than a friend and had never been in a relationship before, so I was hesitant and nervous about the idea of dating and being so inexperienced (he's 21 and I'm 20). He got out of a 3 year relationship about 8 to 10 months before we started dating. As I said, he was really interested in me and mentioned that he had always liked me (even when he was with his gf) as we have known each other for 4 years. So, when he asked me out, I wanted to take things slow and wasn't sure about whether I would be comfortable being in a relationship as I was so inexperienced, but he told me that I either wanted to be with him or didn't and that if I chose not to, then he couldn't remain friends with me as it would hurt him too much, so i agreed to be with him, as i didn't want to pass up the opportunity of something that could have alot of potential even though i wanted to take things slow.





For 2 - 3 weeks, the beginning of the relationship was spent experimenting with drugs, so it was something exciting, something beautiful shared between us and brought us closer.





He decided that he didn't want to take drugs anymore and didn't want me to do it anymore as it would not benefit in the relationship and we both agreed to stop. After we stopped, we have been going through depression together, but we've also helped each other out through it and stuck by each others side.





I feel that there is nothing going wrong in the relationship, in fact, I felt that everything was going really really well. At first, I doubted things as I was used to being independent and wasn't able to grasp the idea of a relationship, but as time went by and the more time we spent together, I realized how much I've grown to love him more and more and how great this man has been to me, been there for me despite all the **** we've been through.





Before I met him, I had plans about where I wanted to be in a few years time, like moving overseas after studying and my family and friends always questioned me about my reason for going there as I had no reason, apart from wanting to start things over. What I wasn't able to understand at the time was that no matter what country I decide to go to, the problems, the self confidence issues will always be there.





So being in this relationship, it made me appreciate my surroundings and that perhaps living here isn't such a bad place, it just depends on who you surround yourself with.





Yesterday morning, he was in a low state and mentioned that he didn't want to ruin my life anymore as he felt he had already done (spending my vacation money / pay checks on drugs, on us) And mentioned alot of things like he spoke to his friend about how he missed being single and that he preferred to be alone.





This hurt me so much because I did so much for him, putting him first before myself. He's not employed, so I've always put him first and made sure he had money to do things, make sure he's eaten, even though he feels that he's leeching of me, money is not an issue for me as I would do it for someone who I care about as I would like to think that I would like the same help if I ever needed it. I've also never felt this happy in a long time and I feel so safe with him, despite feeling very very low. I also lost my virginity to him, which may not mean a big deal to some, but he really did make me believe that he had thought this through hard and that he could see this relationship going far and that we were going through down time together. He thinks that I can do so much better, but I don't see him as a bad person at all, in fact I love every single thing about him and I believe that couples shouldn't end things by making rash decisions and that things can work.





Now he says that relationships at this age never last long and that it's better to end things now.





I was crying hysterically and so hurt confused but after he told me that he loved me and not to worry, that he did want to be with me and that it was just a phase and that he will give things another go. I just feel used and I can't believe I put my trust in someone who told me that things were fine, that we could get through this, only for him to wake up one day and tell me that he wants to break up and that he was sure about it, to saying that he was sorry and that he does want to be with me.





I just don't know what to do, what to think and my mind is a mess. I don't know if I can trust him anymore after this because I don't know if what he means is true or if he'll break up with me at anytime. I'm very hurt and I feel stuck.





What's your advice/ opinion on this? Is there anything I can do?





Sorry for typing so much, I just don't have anyone to talk to for advice.What do I do / So Confused (boyfriend wanted to end relationship)?
well i dont know what hes tripin on.is he bi-poler it kinda sounds like he is or hes a dick.you sound like a great girl i fell a person should never have to deal with all that i know he might be your first love but sometimes you should just find someone else. becuse you cant trust people that dont love you