Friday, August 20, 2010

Racism, Criticism, and Stereotypes in a Relationship?

This is a question for those who have ever deeply loved someone given there all and paid more then they should have for one person who would not do the same.

in 2009 I was a happy man in love with a Asian boy he was 20 and I was 23 at the time; I'm Mix with 3 races mainly Black, White, and Indian, so mostly in everyone ones else eyes I'm consider Latino but I'm mainly black. The relationship was great at first he was shy and very cute to the eyes me on the other hand I was more bland but fun and funny he considered me to be cuter in the face, we loved each other for a about 3 months I gotten many things for him a 600$ PS3 games and other things he loved I didn't care I only cared for him and his happiness, but when I needed to leave and return home for a short time to help my family but I had to go out of state to do so.

That's when the problems started!

You see my former lover is a shut in, he has no disability he just would not leave his home unless he wanted to, so he barely has any friends and the ones he dose have are much older but keeps him company, me on the other hand never really connected with them, well leaving from NY to ATL a week later my lover calls me and starts acting a little funny, he started to wonder about our relationship, wondering if it's real like someone was feeding words into his head, then he tells me that his friends spoken about me believing I was never good for him, but my former was happy with me at first he loved me truly and now only after a week he turns on me over the words of one friend which was his best friend and he was white I may add.

So on a list this would be #3 considering to be Racism, and Criticism.

So my Boyfriend is taking the words of someone else and not the words of himself saying that he loved me. But his friend asked him a question, ';Do you really love him because you love him or do you love him because you are lonely?';

He never really told me that answer, but instead gave me his favorite 3 words ';I don't know';

Ya me

I was finally able to calm him down after a few weeks of fights and disagreements; I finally put my foot down and told him that for now on your friends are to stay out of our Relationship. Yeah that lasted for like a week but after a few months I just stop caring about what his friends had to say and worried more about how he feels and gave him time away from me, I was trying to be a good boyfriend and believe me that was a bad idea.

he finally calls and lets me know that he wants to end the relationship over the feeling that he dose not love me anymore, over time I found out he dose still but won't admit it as he tried to end it by saying, ';how can too people love each other if their this far apart?'; or '; we're just not compatible'; and my favorite of all time '; How can a Black guy be dating a Asian guy its just not right I should be dating a white guy not a black one.';

So on a list this would be #2 considering to be Racism, and Stereotypes

Over time we just stayed friends because I still loved him and I knew he still had feelings for me as well, but after we both found new partners we still had conversations but nothing to deep, he always felt awkward speaking to me and I was always the ok one in the relationship/friendship deal, but things still went downward as he started to rejected me more and more, stating that '; I'm seeing someone and I should not even be talking to you'; like we're in high school or '; I speck to my newest lover every night, but I only want to speck to you like once every month'; as if you have a law place on you for no reason because he feels like giving it to you just to anger you.

but the worse by far is when your former lover lies and says “I don't hate you” but calls you a stalker and wish death upon you, while bragging about his new love just to make you feel jealous and at the same time being called stupid by a person you don't even know that is holding the one you once loved.

So on a list this would be #1 considering to be Criticism, and Stereotypes

2 nights ago I spoken to my former one last time to check on him after his father died R.I.P later that night we gotten into a argument about me not wanting to know about his new love, and I only wish to say hello and see if everything is fine, he continually rub his BF in my face till I had enough and hung up the phone in his face, later that night I sent my last words of kindness forgiving him of all that he done to me and goodbye hoping that I would be the better man and sometimes I wonder should that have been a letter of hate.

At this point I fear love, I fear people, I fear even saying hello without being rejected or having to buy a guy or girl expensive things just to hear them say I love you.

Right now I am no longer a kind and caring person, so goes the saying ';Nice Guys Finish Last'; right now I could careless for anyone because the constant foulness that is a relationship I'm more afraid of being heartbrokRacism, Criticism, and Stereotypes in a Relationship?
I did not see any racism in what you wrote. I have no idea where that's coming from. He's fallen out of love with you. I'm sorry. I know it sucks big time but I don't think he broke up with you because of your race. As I read your post I kept waiting to read something that had something to do with racism and I just don't see it.

He's probably bad mouthing you to his new lover because his new lover may be insecure.

I think it would be in your best interest to stop talking to these people who are telling you these things because I don't think they are your friends and they're only hurting you.

Don't become mean and bitter. You'll find someone who loves you and who you'll love back. Right now you're in a lot of pain and want to lash out or close yourself in and that's totally normal. But have faith. Let yourself heal. Cry as much as you need to. But don't turn your back on someone else who may want to love you and make you happy.

((((hugs))) You sound so sad. I'm so sorry.Racism, Criticism, and Stereotypes in a Relationship?
Well you are heartbroken so learn what you can from that experience and how it feels, it will make you a more complete person. More forward or get left behind, that's the way the world works amigo. Let go of that guy and carry on.

Let yourself become bitter and you'll just be a bitter person. It won't prove anything to anyone or bring you anything desirable.

Indecision... I love him...?

He's decided that bringing me into a business is a bad idea (his doctor told him that). I am having difficulty deciding whether or not to end this relationship. I love him to pieces, I really do. He can be affectionate and kind. But his illness drives me bonkers. You never know when he'll blow up over the smallest thing. I feel like we both are working really hard to make this work. He is a bit more than ten years older than me. I sometimes wish we could be friends; like someone you can always count on to be there, or have fun with. But I'd miss him so SO much. But this relationship is exhausting. He keeps saying he wonders if he is holding me back or I should be with someone else or whether he is pulling me in the wrong direction. Then he says he loves me so much, he's not ever had it so good. I think we DO love eachother but is love enough? How do you talk about this stuff? Do you think we both know that we're trying and it is so difficult? He wants to get me an engagement ring.Indecision... I love him...?
Don't accept a ring from him. As it is, you'll be walking on egg shells because of that temper problem he has.Indecision... I love him...?
I don't think ';love'; is enough... If anything, other factors are more important: compatibility, being comfortable with each other, having common goals and dreams, trusting and relying on each other, enjoying each other - you name it. I tend to trust my gut feeling; when it tells me something's not right, I believe it. What people call love sometimes masks a dysfunctional relationship, but your intuition seldom lies; it can point you in the right direction. Sounds like you feel something's wrong in this relationship; it would be wise to listen to your instincts, and not simply brush them aside by saying ';but I love him';. Ask yourself if you are happy with the way things are, and if you are going to continue being happy if they never change; does it feel right to imagine that this is how you're going to feel for the rest of your life? If not, then is there a point to this relationship? It isn't fair to you or him to continue it when your heart is not in it completely. Yes, you might miss him for a few months - but you will miss the wasted time even more if you spend another few years being unhappy before giving up.
No ring! No staying! Move on now! Love is NOT enough!!
This relationship does not sound healthy. One question that comes to mind is, do you have friends/family that you do and can talk to? It kinda sounds as if it's just the two of you and if that's the case then it's truly not healthy at all.

I would suggest therapy/counselling for you both, then that you way the pros and cons but most importantly, search deep within you for that answer. Besides searching within, it is even more important to be OPEN with the answers you get from self-searching. Too many times we go by what we THINK we should do rather than what OUR INSTINCTS/GUTS/COMMON SENSE, etc guides us to do. That is a true trap for us as humans. Somehow I do believe that you already know the answer but you are not prepared to face it.

Another good rule of thumb is to take a step back or away from the situation and try to look at it from an ';outsider's'; point of view. If that were someone else going thru that stuff and they came to you for advice, what advice would you give? Do you think that relationship is worth being in, are you not worth more? Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life? Has it been worth it thus far? I can only guide you, based on past experience(s), I am no expert and I certainly cannot decide for you, but too many times women settle for so much less than they are truly worth!

Good luck.

PS - It takes a LOT more than love to make a relationship worth it.
Well, you sound like me 3 years ago before I did decide to marry the man you've described above.

After waking up w/ swollen eyes from crying yet again last night and trying to figure out how I'm going to leave my best friend, the person who I used to say ';gets me'; is just almost too much to bare. Yet, as you said, never quite knowing when he will overreact to whatever small offense and constantly walking eggshells is very exhausting -to put it mildly. I know what you're describing all too well. Save yourself - If only you had my hindsight you would see that you cannot fix this man and you will lose yourself in the process if you keep hanging in there.

I'm will, just as I have, figure out it is naive to believe love conquers all-it's just not that simple. I don't know the nature of his illness but just the little bit you've said it sounds like narcissistic personality or borderline personality disorder. If so, run for the hills.

The best advice I can give you is that when the bad times are out-numbering the good, don't even think about getting married...(you think you have heartache now!) . And please, don't con vice yourself the good times make up for the bad, b/c I can promise you it won't always be that way. Just remember, a relationship shouldn't feel feel so exhausting and require so much work. You know in your gut somethings just not quite right-don't ignore that, that's your true self.

How do you let someone into your life?

I would love to meet someone but find it hard to let my guard down. It takes me a long time to trust someone that's why i usually end up dating friends. I wish I could be more free with my heart and not get so worried i'm going to get hurt but how do I?

I know people who will fall out of one relationship and jump straight into another.

What do you do wait or jump straight back in again?How do you let someone into your life?
Just get to know people as friends first and the rest will follow. I've only dated 2 girls who I wasn't friends with before. Both those relationships were very disappointing and short. You make enough friends and one day somebody will enter your life and take your heart without you even knowing what happened.How do you let someone into your life?
By spending time and getting to know that person for what they are and who you are and your guard will slowing start coming down but one wrong move from them it will go up so quick so be carefully and take it slow you will love again, just work on getting over what hurt you in the first place. Good Luck
well, i've been like you for years, it hasn't really changed, i was hurt a lot when young, and it does tend to make you keep that emotional distance for fear of being hurt again, a kind of self preservation, it can be very lonely though, as for dating friends, there are up sides and down sides to it, if it all goes pear-shaped the friendship can disappear too, but if it worked out it can be a good relationship based on that solid friendship
iloveu so much and if ucomehere we willghet the truth about all them but uahgve toknow in amking relations uhurt me withthat and ustop me from surching who did for me that!

How do you tell someone you love that you dont want to be with them anymore?

we dont go out officially but we do the same things boyfriends and girlfriends do...its been 2 years and i want to move might sound shallow but i need to see whats out there...the hardest problem is that we really are good together..but we're not going to be together forever and i dont want to be...but she does...shes obsessed with me..and she loves me so much and would do anything for its so much on vacation now and i told her that i was thinking about ending our relationship...(that took many different times) she gets so sad...i know she'd be depressed for at least a few weeks if i do this..but i still want to be friends with her after, she says she'll never ever talk to me again if i go through with it....what do i say to her when i get back if I dont want to go out anymore? how can i do this w.o having her hate me... (my friends wanted me to stay with her and cheat but i told them that I could never do that to her)How do you tell someone you love that you dont want to be with them anymore?
id say it quickly and dont drag it out for too long. say it too her face (not text) and just say something like ';i dont think we should be together anymore'; but if you say lets just be friends, if she is so obsessed with you she might think that you still have a chance of getting back together which you dont. just be aware of her feelings xxHow do you tell someone you love that you dont want to be with them anymore?
you be weird and act mean and not yourself and she will brake up with you so you don't have to worry about Breaking her heart

How do you forget how to love someone... how do you fall out of love, when you have no choice?

Ok, it was June 30th since I broke up with a boyfriend of 4 years. Sure, I'm not in the agonizing pain that I was in on day/week one, but I sure as heck still hurt. My mind constantly goes back to him and the memories we had together. I miss his presence, touch, kind words and overall, the companionship. The pain I'm feeling leaves me in such a rut everyday. I can't go on living feeling like this anymore.

I realize most will say surround yourself with firends, find a new relationship, and I'm doing my best with that. Currently, circumstances are limiting, however, regardless of a new love or fling, I'm still feeling brokenhearted and infact, a little angry.

I don't want to be bitter anymore over the ending of our relationship. It's getting the best of me, and my ex doesn't deserve to have this power over me.

How do I free myself from this agony? I've tried everything, and I've even stopped trying too, hoping that time would just do its thing. All I know, time fixes nothing.How do you forget how to love someone... how do you fall out of love, when you have no choice?
I know its long, but just read through it, it might help u.

either, if u still have feelings for him, try repair the relationship, or if u dont have any feelings left for him, try find someone else

I have 2 methods 4 gettin rid of unwanted feelings and emotions. might not work, but u can try them:

Method 1

Make sure its windy outside.

Take some flour. put it on a plate. doesnt matter how much, not 2 much - about a handful, maybe more if u think u need it.

light a fire - if u have a fireplace - DONT BURN DOWN UR HOUSE!

have the plate of flour infront of u. look at it, stare at it, try 2 focus without consentratin, if u can.

it may be painful, but think back to everything u can remember about him and the stuff u did with him, imagine pouring it all into the flour infront of u. try and get rid of everything u rmember about him. plour it all into the flour.

Once uve done this, go outside into the garden - take the flour, or go to a hill nearby or something, somewhere high up and windy. make sure there is wind. hold the flour up. blow really hard. blow all of it away. make sure there isnt a grain left. get rid of it - let the wind carry it away.

Method 2

Light a fire somewhere. Open fireplace would be best - somewhere where its not likely 2 burn down the house or anything.

Take a plain piece of paper, white will do, but if u use ur ex's favourite colour, it may work better.

on the piece of paper, write down everything u remember about ur ex. colour pen doesn't matter - nothing sparkly if u can help it, just plain colour.

once uve done that, throw t in the fire. watch it burn. when ur completely convinced that the paper is in ashes, take the ashes 2 a windy place and cast them away.

This counts 4 both methods:


After uve done this, u may want to go and cry for a while, just go and have ur favourite drink, ur favourite meal, ur favourite everything if it makes u feel better about anything like bringing back painful memories. Go 2 bed early so that ur rested the next day.

The next day, u should feel a lot better. it might take longer - could b a week, could b a month, could not work at all, but i think that its definatley worth a shot.How do you forget how to love someone... how do you fall out of love, when you have no choice?
i dnt pity u,coz ur the strong like facing the same situation.he married.i started writing a book.this has helped me a lot.and moreover if u say ur feelings out to some1 it may b any1.may b works.try it.and let me takes time.ok take care.
Just live your life like you never had your heart broken, someday you are going to look back and laugh at this situation, dont forget to smile!
i was also in a four year relationship.. and it took me about a year to realize he was not coming back.... and to this day 5 years later when i think about it i get sad.. i really do not think you get over your love.. but then again he was my first love as a matter of fact he was my first everything...

p.s. he still calls me to even though he is involved ... and tells me he loves me.... so yeah i dont think youll ever get over it..
i wish i knew the answer, i'm going through something similar...........good luck!
Love is a choice.

You can either choose to love him or choose not to.

the only thing you fall in or out of is like and lust.
girl i know how you feel.


its really depressing but you can get through it
  • pigment
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  • What do you do when you love someone, used to love another,and starting to love another?

    ok...I love my boyfrind very much %26amp;%26amp; I have no doubt that if I want to in the future we will get married...

    but my bf went to the navy for basic...he came back bc of medical discharge %26amp;%26amp; he doesnt ever have to go back. but while he was gone an ex of mine told me he loved me.

    - the only reason my ex %26amp; I broke up bc we live an hour away from each other. %26amp;%26amp; we went out 3 times all ending w. the distance issue. my boyfriend is back %26amp;%26amp; things have been going really good...but he doesnt like to show affection like people our age annoys me so much %26amp;%26amp; we fight all the time. but at the end of the day we still love each other. we live together even tho I am still in highschool.

    -now there is this other guy...he was my friend until we started hanging out more alone...%26amp;%26amp; then it more. I am really starting to like this guy %26amp;%26amp; we talk about almost everything. from family to my boyfriend to the class we have together...%26amp;%26amp; he shows the kind of affection I am really missing in my relationship.

    I need help deciding who I want to be with...%26amp;%26amp; whats my best options.

    In general how do I get my 3 guy crisis down to a 1 guy at a time life.

    my boyfriend loves me...but sometimes I am really unhappy

    my ex always makes me happy when he's around...which isnt often.

    %26amp;%26amp; my friend that is becoming more always makes me happy but it gets hard to be with him when I have to sneek around to be with him.

    help me please... What do you do when you love someone, used to love another,and starting to love another?
    I know it will be really really hard, but you are going to have to pick just one.

    Your ex is your ex. Almost everyone has that one ex that they just can't get out of their head, but there's a reason you broke up in the first place. Long distance is hard to manage and I know from experience it's almost impossible in high school, having been in two LDRs myself.

    As for your current relationship... Just because a relationship starts out a certain way doesn't mean it's going to stay that way forever. You might think your guy friend treats you with more love than your boyfriend, but if you started dating, after a while it would stop being so intense.

    I would say forget the ex. As for the other two, it all comes down to who you care about more... but don't expect things to be lovy-dovy forever.

    What do you think of this?

    AQUARIUS - The Slut

    Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to Have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years bad luck if you do not repost.

    GEMINI - The Keeper

    Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Loves to hang out with the one they love , gives everyone everything they want, great personality,HOTT!, thier love is one of a kind. sweet and lovable. Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

    PISCES - The Addict

    EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Amazing in the you know where..!!! Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

    LEO - The Cool One

    Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person Ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with... u might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

    CANCER - The Smart One.

    Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being In long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

    ARIES- The Irresistible One

    Nice Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

    SAGITTARIUS-The One that Waits

    Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 Years of bad luck if you do not repost.

    TAURUS- The Aggressive One

    MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great at telling Stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

    LIBRA - The Partner for Life

    Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

    CAPRICORN - The Cute One

    Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

    SCORPIO - The Gorgeous One

    Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Best kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. Amazing in bed. A caring person. One of a kind.Gorgeous Smile.Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not


    VIRGO- The Promiscuous One

    Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! AmazingWhat do you think of this?
    I think this is true, because it's me.

    VIRGO- The Promiscuous One

    Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! AmazingWhat do you think of this?
    Woohoo! I'm the smart one and my boyfriend is the irresistable one... flattery will get you everywhere my friend - have a star!
    Im Pisces and it says good kisser so it must be true haha no on the real I hate these thing fakest things EVER
    imma virgo and i am no way promiscuous! im still a virgin--now that is hard to come by now-a-days =]
    They all sound exactly the same.
    Im capricorn and im like half those things lol, but thats true for virgo..
    im aries wooh hoo :Dxx
    Well i am a Virgo, some of that applies but not all of it...
    i think you need to get out more
    well my star sign is CANCER n firstly, i hate being in long-term relationships coz i get bored easily! so that's a lie. BUT im very unpredictable and really can b trusted. Oh yeah and there right about ';Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out'; :D
    YAY!!!! im a Gemini!!! i didnt kno i was a good kisser!!!its one beter mess with me.and i am lovable.i also like relationships even though i havent had one yet i think it will be cute.and i love to go i guess i give everything what they want.oooohhhh..u u think im sweet.... thank u!!ok so maybe i am loud.hahaha!lol. STAR!!!!