Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Walking away from someone you love?

So I've asked about my husband before; have decided we can't go on like this anymore; yet finding it incredibly hard to walk away... especially as he makes me feel its my fault.





Basically we got married in December (after whirlwind romance), just before we married we discovered I was pregnant. We each have 19yr old sons from previous relationships, his lives with us, mine with my parents.





Just before we married my husband went to Spain alone. He promised that it would be the last time he went alone; now however he has decided to go to Gran Canaria when I'll be 32 weeks pregnant, on holiday, alone.





We had a good talk today; among the issues was our housing situation. To start with we were going to move to seaside %26amp; his son was moving in with his mum. Then, my husband was offered a 3bed house (so his son could stay) %26amp; he turned it down. I pointed out that a 2bed house with 3 adults %26amp; a baby won't work. So he said that I could live in my own house %26amp; he could come %26amp; visit. When his son moves out we could be together again. He doesn't want to spend every day with me %26amp; baby though, as he said his son is his responsibility %26amp; he still needs to be there for him. I think this is unfair to the baby who will miss out on having a daddy around. I also pointed out his son could be 26 or older when he moves out; my husband agreed, but said ';things will work out';.





I told him that him going on holiday would be the end. He got angry %26amp; is now slamming doors %26amp; shouting at me. He said that I want the relationship to end... which i don't. But he wants second hand baby clothes %26amp; equipment, whilst selling stuff ot go on holiday (he doesn;t work).





I now am in two minds... he said if I'd got my passport in time we could have gone on holiday in February, and that he is miserable and needs time away. I am miserable too that he wants to go on his own, but don;t know what to think. He also bought me a flying lesson which they wouldn't let me do due to being pregnant. He said I should have gone before now %26amp; lied, but at the time I was sick %26amp; tired all the time.?





I posted this in M%26amp;D and got some quite good answers; but they seem to miss the point -





1, should I am wrong and he right?


2, how do i become strong enough to walk away?


?Walking away from someone you love?
Think about your baby. That should be your priority.


As for him, if he cares more about his soon-to-be adult son than you, he is wrong.


You and your baby should be his priority. Yeah, his son would be his priority too, but he is 17, and has a mom. Now am not saying he should abandon his son, but if he really wants to help then he should get a job, and not even go on vacations, he needs to provide support to his family, meaning his son, and you too. I don't see any love from him to you. It seems he's not taking you seriously. I think you should make a decision, because you can't be married to a man that ';loves'; you but lives in another house. That just doesn't make sense to me.





Hope i help a little.


Good luck on making a wise decision.








****EDITT damn his son is 19?? he should take care of himself.,Walking away from someone you love?
You are asking for opinions. From your writing, it sounds as if your husband does not want to be as involved with the new baby as is needed. After the baby is born, he may fall in love with it anyway but not if he is gone.





I still see a reason for you to walk away from him. It doesn't sound as if he has enough love and concern for you. You won't know unless you let go of him. It's true. You cannot force a man to care or to love. Let him go and see what happens in the end. Prove you can take care of yourself, for your sake and that of your baby.
I recently wrote a blog which I think can address a lot of the issues you raise: http://lapacedimente.wordpress.com/2010/鈥?/a>





You are given 1 life. If you're not happy with the way things are going, that means something needs to CHANGE. The ball is in your court, so-to-speak.





No offense to your husband, but going on holiday alone with a pregnant wife doesn't add up. Additionally, having a husband who doesn't want to be with you every day is ridiculous. You deserve better.





Regards,


Taylor

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