Indecision... I love him...?

He's decided that bringing me into a business is a bad idea (his doctor told him that). I am having difficulty deciding whether or not to end this relationship. I love him to pieces, I really do. He can be affectionate and kind. But his illness drives me bonkers. You never know when he'll blow up over the smallest thing. I feel like we both are working really hard to make this work. He is a bit more than ten years older than me. I sometimes wish we could be friends; like someone you can always count on to be there, or have fun with. But I'd miss him so SO much. But this relationship is exhausting. He keeps saying he wonders if he is holding me back or I should be with someone else or whether he is pulling me in the wrong direction. Then he says he loves me so much, he's not ever had it so good. I think we DO love eachother but is love enough? How do you talk about this stuff? Do you think we both know that we're trying and it is so difficult? He wants to get me an engagement ring.Indecision... I love him...?
Don't accept a ring from him. As it is, you'll be walking on egg shells because of that temper problem he has.Indecision... I love him...?
I don't think ';love'; is enough... If anything, other factors are more important: compatibility, being comfortable with each other, having common goals and dreams, trusting and relying on each other, enjoying each other - you name it. I tend to trust my gut feeling; when it tells me something's not right, I believe it. What people call love sometimes masks a dysfunctional relationship, but your intuition seldom lies; it can point you in the right direction. Sounds like you feel something's wrong in this relationship; it would be wise to listen to your instincts, and not simply brush them aside by saying ';but I love him';. Ask yourself if you are happy with the way things are, and if you are going to continue being happy if they never change; does it feel right to imagine that this is how you're going to feel for the rest of your life? If not, then is there a point to this relationship? It isn't fair to you or him to continue it when your heart is not in it completely. Yes, you might miss him for a few months - but you will miss the wasted time even more if you spend another few years being unhappy before giving up.
No ring! No staying! Move on now! Love is NOT enough!!
This relationship does not sound healthy. One question that comes to mind is, do you have friends/family that you do and can talk to? It kinda sounds as if it's just the two of you and if that's the case then it's truly not healthy at all.





I would suggest therapy/counselling for you both, then that you way the pros and cons but most importantly, search deep within you for that answer. Besides searching within, it is even more important to be OPEN with the answers you get from self-searching. Too many times we go by what we THINK we should do rather than what OUR INSTINCTS/GUTS/COMMON SENSE, etc guides us to do. That is a true trap for us as humans. Somehow I do believe that you already know the answer but you are not prepared to face it.





Another good rule of thumb is to take a step back or away from the situation and try to look at it from an ';outsider's'; point of view. If that were someone else going thru that stuff and they came to you for advice, what advice would you give? Do you think that relationship is worth being in, are you not worth more? Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life? Has it been worth it thus far? I can only guide you, based on past experience(s), I am no expert and I certainly cannot decide for you, but too many times women settle for so much less than they are truly worth!





Good luck.





PS - It takes a LOT more than love to make a relationship worth it.
Well, you sound like me 3 years ago before I did decide to marry the man you've described above.


After waking up w/ swollen eyes from crying yet again last night and trying to figure out how I'm going to leave my best friend, the person who I used to say ';gets me'; is just almost too much to bare. Yet, as you said, never quite knowing when he will overreact to whatever small offense and constantly walking eggshells is very exhausting -to put it mildly. I know what you're describing all too well. Save yourself - If only you had my hindsight you would see that you cannot fix this man and you will lose yourself in the process if you keep hanging in there.


I'm sorry...you will, just as I have, figure out it is naive to believe love conquers all-it's just not that simple. I don't know the nature of his illness but just the little bit you've said it sounds like narcissistic personality or borderline personality disorder. If so, run for the hills.


The best advice I can give you is that when the bad times are out-numbering the good, don't even think about getting married...(you think you have heartache now!) . And please, don't con vice yourself the good times make up for the bad, b/c I can promise you it won't always be that way. Just remember, a relationship shouldn't feel feel so exhausting and require so much work. You know in your gut somethings just not quite right-don't ignore that, that's your true self.