Why did you end you relationship? What was your breaking point and how did you come to grips that it ended?

I ask because I am at the point to where I think every day about not wanting to be with him. There has been no cheating, but just emotional abuse. He has called me a bitc*, cun*, fat, ugly, insulted my family, made me feel like I am not good enough for him... this is not an every day thing, it has happened over the last 5 years. His way of apologizing is being nice and forgetting that it happened, and expecting me to go along with it and forget it too. 5 years of that has built up. He is trying so hard to be nice to me, but the feeling is gone inside of me. I do live him and care for him, but I am only 23 (he is 27), and he is my second boyfriend ever.. I have no experience in the dating world... so nothing to compare it with, and that is constant in my mind too. I have to sexual feelings for him, but he does with me. I tried to sit him down and explain to him my feelings and that I love him, but I am not in love with him and it is soooo sooo soo confusing to me how I can love someone but not be in love with them. We moved 2 years ago from my home and family for his job... 10 hours away from my family is tough. We have just disrespected each other so many times that I feel like it has ran its course. I don't understand why he says he is in love with me.. I wonder if he is saying it so I won't leave, because he knows I am weak and vulnerable.





What made you leave, whether it be verbal, emotional, physical abuse... Did you feel guilty like me... It just seems like I gave it all I had and now I have no more to give, and this is the time he wants to try, when I have no desire to try any more... it is really hard to feel like I am giving up on someone... it is just that all this time I have wanted him to be the way he is being now and 4 years of not having that I have given up little by little.... and now I feel guilty because he is trying, and I just can't mentally accept it.Why did you end you relationship? What was your breaking point and how did you come to grips that it ended?
Are you me in a time warp from 10 years ago? I think you could be!





Firstly, it is possible to love someone and not be in love with them - your mum, your cousins, your nephews, your neighbour's cat, your best friend...





My ex was always right. I was allowed an opinion, but if it wasn't the same as his, it was wrong. For example, we were about 5 people doing a crossword together once, and all but him knew one of the answers, but he wouldn't write it in until we had all the other letters going across it to make sure we were right.





He lost his job through redundancy. He had a habit of applying for only 1 job, knowing he would get it, so not bothering with anything else, and then when he didn't get it being too depressed for a week or so that he couldn't apply for anything else. When you're a job seeker, one application a month is not going to get you anywhere. He did take a job in a pub, because I was earning too much for him to sign on, but only enough for the rent without any bills or food or anything. But at the same time, I was struggling with pressure at College. He applied for a job that he knew he would get, and I told him that I was going through too much, and I didn't want to know about any of his nonsense if he didn't get it. Needless to say, he didn't get it, and then wouldn't speak to me for a week. I asked him why he wasn't talking, and was so rude to all our friends after a whole week, and he said ';you might have known that I wasn't happy about not getting that job';. Well, I was still struggling really badly at College, and still really unsure whether I could cope, and if I quit that was two years of my life wasted because I was so far through the course. A couple of days later, I seriously considered ending my life.





Then I woke up. I wasn't to blame for him not getting the job, so why did it feel like my fault? Also, he know how badly I was struggling with my course, because I told him. Okay, I didn't go on and on about it, because he had his own worries - why couldn't he treat me with the same respect? I told him, that the next time I got my grant cheque I was leaving, and I left. I'm much better off without him, and had a couple of flings and am now with a lovely guy who treats me with respect. Of course, we have rows, but we both love each other, and the rows aren't important.





If you get to the bottom as far as that, you know it's time to leave! Once I'd realised it was leave or die, there was only one option - I was worth more than that. I was then, and still am, worth more than him.Why did you end you relationship? What was your breaking point and how did you come to grips that it ended?
No I don't feel guilty. I had to do what is best for me, and that is what you need to do also. It sounds like you boy friend is quite controlling and maybe that is why he does not want you to leave. I think you probably already know what you want to do or you would not be writing. There is nothing wrong with leaving and see if his changes are for real or just a way to try to make you stay. Good luck.