Just curious because I'm sure it's happened before. Would if you fell for someone of the same sex, but they were straight. I guess you would have to be good friends with the person. They would be what you look for in a person physically and mentally. Would it hurt to spend time with that individual when you want something more than a friendship, but can never have it. I know nothing should be done to jeopardize the relationship. But always being around them and having that attraction towards them would be troublesome. Just curious because if I were always around someone I liked extremely physically and personally and not fantasize them and have my own wants of the person would be impossible. Just kind of hard not to feel hurt by this, but still having to deal with it because you are friends and causing grief in the end. Wouldn't you be better off not being friends with the person at all?(Put in LGBT because I'm a guy and I feel it's happening to me with one of my guy friends)How would you handle falling in love with someone, but him/her not feeling the same way?
Ignore the one that says it will go away. It won't. I have been in love with my best friend for over 5 years. She is straight. It is a losing battle. I have decided that since I love her, AND it is a true real love, I only want what will make her happy. And unfortunately that isn't me. As long as she is happy, I am ok. We are still best friends, she knows how I feel and fortunately isn't uncomfortable with it. She understands. She cares about me. That is enough. She loves in her own way, and I have to be content with that.
Every now and again, I have those little demons that say, it isn't ok. But, I deal with those on my terms. As long as this person truly cares for you, that should be enough. Isn't that what we all want from our friends anyway? True friendship is so hard to find. Do I still fantasize about her...you betcha! But she doesn't need to know about that..LOL. And if she ever decides to cross that line, she knows that I will be there:)
OMG, he told you that if you came out you couldn't be friends anymore?? You must be kidding!! Then I would have to say that before you get even more involved in this friendship, walk away. It is going to hurt you. But there are so many others out there. Friends accept us as we are. You can't build a real friendship if they can't accept that part of you. It doesn't go away, and you can't change it. You can have respect for someone and not throw it in their face, but still. Someone who wants you to cover up who you are? That isn't a friend. You may still have those feelings, and yes, you might mourn those, but I would try to find a new friend. Of course you are young, so he may change his mind about how he will feel when you decide to come out. And here I thought this generation was supposed to be so much more tolerant and accepting!!How would you handle falling in love with someone, but him/her not feeling the same way?
i know what you are going through. i am a gay guy i am in love with one of my str8 friends he is dating my bff so i cant tell any body about how i feel. it really sucks. but seeing him is always the best part of my day.
The most realistic definition of ';falling in love'; or simply ';love'; that someone gave to me is that it is like growing a plant.
When you feel that you have fallen in love with someone, it is like you have started to plant a seed. That seed is filled with all the promise of the plant within. It is ready to grow on its own, simply needing the bare necessities (soil, water, sunlight, etc.). Just like your ';love'; for that particular person. It is aching to grow and can do so pretty much on its own. You simply have to see the person that you love everyday, exchange little greetings on the street, maybe have a little talk or something.
But then you say the person does not feel the same way towards your love for him. To use the plant analogy again, one of its needs is slowly being withheld. Maybe it needs a bit of fertilizer to prop up its growth and the fertilizer was withheld. Maybe weeds were growing around the base of plant, and was competing for nutrients with the plant and stunting its growth. And so the plant begins to wither, and without the proper nourishment, it begins to die.
Same thing holds true for ';love'; and ';falling in love'; situations that you described in your question. It is easy to fall in love, but maintaining that love needs constant care and nourishment from the object of your love or affirmations from yourself as well. That is where your restlessness comes from, because your ';love'; is not being properly tended and is not reaching its full potential.
Would you be better off if you were not friends with the person at all? If the person disowns you as a friend once you made it clear that you had feelings for him, then he is probably not worth having as a friend at all.
But if he seems ok with your feelings, but does not want to be anything more than your friend, then you have to respect that. You just have to work more on your end trying to manage the ';feelings of love'; that you have for him. I would suggest spending a little less time with him (not cutting him off altogether from your life) and spend a little more time cultivating other relationships that might have a better chance of blossoming into romantic relationships, if that would be a top priority for you. Otherwise, just enjoy the friendship and don't be too stressed out if it doesn't work between the 2 of you. There's plenty of fish in the sea, remember that.
Good luck.
I moved on. I still have the deep feelings for that person but I have a wonderful wife and would not trade her in on anyone
It seems I'm always in that situation. in fact I'm in that right now. I couldn't imagine not being friends with this person. We get along great and have a wonderful time. but I can see that I jeopardize the friendship because the old green monster is popping its ugly head out. I am really trying not to feel this way. it is really hard to control your emotions especially when you know the other person doesn't feel the same way but yet you feel they kind of toy with you. Sometimes when reality hits me and I think there's no hope for a relationship i get depressed or sad and wish that I'd never made friends with them. I always end up getting hurt and they have no idea what's wrong because they're unaware of my feelings for them. They just think i'm an emotional basket case. Those times I think being alone and not even having friends is best (because I always fall for my good friends). I feel i can't trust myself to have friends because I know the cycle I produce. Click with someone, become close friends really fast, get even closer, mi casa e su casa, insecurity sets in, paranoid she doesn't want to spend time with me, jealousy starts, episodes of bipolar come out (only with her though), I start pushing her away thinking it's the other way around, start blaming her for weakening of friendship, friendship ends with no idea of how or why, heart breaks, months go by without another friend.
That's the cycle I'm trying to break. But out of all that crap that I do, I still wouldn't knowingly give up the friendship because I keep that thing in my heart....Hope. Hope is what keeps me going. I think it's when I finally give up hope that's when the relationship goes down hill. But sometimes you can salvage the friendship with the knowledge that now they are not interested in you, you can forget about a relationship and look at them as a true friend. I think it's something that takes time and must go through stages. At least for me. But I'd still stay in the friendship. no matter what.
I believe true love is a two way street. It is something that grows between two people. If it is one sided, it is just infatuation, and it will go away.
i'm going thru the same thing.
i love him and want more,
it is hard to keep it pent up.
good luck
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