Is it worth it anymore?

I just want to be left alone. All the stars and all the sand wont help dry my tears. Tears that are not falling down my cheeks but are running through my veins. I had forgotten what the pain was like but its back. And this time I cannot find a reason to justify it. I can鈥檛 find anything wrong with what I am; I can only feel how others see me and I don鈥檛 like what they are facing. A strong confident woman who knows what to say and when to smile. But I am black inside, with a heart that doesn鈥檛 know how to express love in the right way, A heart that never knew how to. No one to blame, no one to turn to. I talk to him about my problems, about how I want to stop time, erase all my feelings and I keep hearing my voice, I keep seeing myself and I seem miserable, unhappy, depressed. Which I am, but I am hiding. I wish there was no tomorrow. I wish I could just disappear, vanish. I don鈥檛 know what I am going to do; if I am going to do something but all I know is that I am frozen inside. No motivation, no will, no reason, no genuine smiles. His touch means nothing but him being there means the world. Friends are useless but they are priceless when I need a companion to drink with. Parents are excessive, needy, demanding, pushy but they are the only thing I have that will always be here. And where am I?...all over鈥o home, no base, no attachment. If you would throw me across the universe I would be fine because I am now cold. I don鈥檛 care about others anymore and I am being called cruel. Me! I never finish what I begin鈥 never lust鈥 don鈥檛 sacrifice鈥 don鈥檛 need enough, I get bored, sick.


I am stuck in a relationship where there is no passion just reassurance and need. No excitement and adventure. He sees the world in me and all I see in him is a hand I can hold on to whatever happens.


Pills and booze? What happens next-hurt for everybody; damages鈥 am that coward or maybe I love me so much. Is it really worth living like this anymore though? is it ever going to stop? Is it my fault? Do I have to care this much? I know there its not all happy ends but I am hoping. I hate myself鈥a, I cant even show love towards my own direction; how am I expected to love someone else useless tries.Is it worth it anymore?
Sounds to me like you expected much more of yourself but feel powerless to attain it and now after being sad for a while you are getting better at being sad. Your paragraph could quite easily be a mediocre poem. I do understand though, please don't think I don't.





The question is what are you going to do about it, what can you really do. You are not really suffering like someone who has lost a child or has a severe brain disease - You are disillusioned. A lot of people are from time to time. Some people use sex to overcome this but we are not all lusty types. Some seek money but how to get it can be a new problem.





You want to be free from all the constraints. Well you can but first drop the crutches; alcohol, excessive introversions, pills at high dosage and thoughts about helplessness.





Say to yourself, whenever you feel weak, 'I am fearless and I trust myself to achieve my goals.





So start investing your heart or even your little lust thing into little goals. Achieve them with courage that you build up bit by bit and then you will be a different person. If you you really want to be.Is it worth it anymore?
Damn, that paragraph was morbidly beutiful. Wow.
its ALWAYS worth it.. life gets better..u need to get thru the bad times to get to the good in life and trust me its worth it. no one ever promised life would be easy. just keep holding on, life will change for u :) if it makes u feel better, tokio hotel songs have reallyyy helped me get thru alot in life. even changed my life and i think u will like it :) definitely look them up, awesome band. just shows u that life is depressing sometimes but it always gets better. :)
I truly think that it is in your best interest to as your doctor about Zoloft. Good luck in solving this puzzle we call life. ;)
Check out http://www.therapy247.com It is a free web sight for therapy discussions. Just sign up, no obligations, use a false name-no biggy. Get some advice and help on what you need. If you do not get any replies right away, check back. You will hear some thing in about 24 hours. Friendly people and worthy advice. Hope this helps.





You remind me so much of a girl on this sight. She too has a way with words that helps her sooth things out. It is great place to journal or talk to others.
You can get emotional advice from emailing gethelp.herenow@gmail.com


I really hope you get better mentally
big paragraph :(