We now live in a house with another guy, but this decision to live together was more out of convenience than anything, as we both needed a place only for 4 months as we are going abroad for a year of study and it was hard to find a place for 4 months only. Recently, things have not been good at all.
I told him I was a little worried about living together, that I didn't want it to mess things up and he said we lived in halls and things were fine and that would continue. I used to tell him he could do whatever he liked when he was on his own and have fun and he would say ';i am happy when i am around you.'; I told him I didnt want us to spend too much time together and he would say 'you say it like its a bad thing :(';
We have gotten into pretty big fights recently 鈥?mainly about sex (I want it more than he does...he can leave it til up to 3 or 4 weeks and even then it鈥檚 still like a chore to him). During those fights I saw a whole other side to him that really shocked me. After our last couple of fights, I have felt like we are strangers. I had never had reason to doubt him, but now I feel like I do. He said relationships 'just get crap' after a while.Thinks that all relationships end up the same and that after the honeymoon phase is over things get crap and its unnatural to be with someone after, its unnatural to 鈥榝orce鈥?things back to how they were...find that such a 鈥榟igh school鈥?point of view. He said that love is a stupid concept created and overhyped by the media...if that's the case, how could he have told me he loves me if the word 'love' holds on meaning to him?! Makes me wonder about all the things he said. I asked if he's got such a negative view because of past relationships and he just said 'all relationships end up like this'. I think that is such a juvenile point of view and if really feels that way, why did he get into a relationship in the first place? He said because he's seen me almost everyday for the past year and a bit that he's ';bored of seeing me all the time';. I suppose that is fair enough but ouch! He said just because he said things before, I have this idea he has to mean them forever. That is not true but some of things that he said were the nicest things anyone has said to me and if his feelings have changed towards me, he simply shouldn't be with me instead of dragging something on!!! He said I should stop thinking it鈥檚 always about me and that it鈥檚 to do with him. Of course it's normal not to feel 'in love' all the time and the intensity of emotions come and go, but if ultimately his feelings have changed, he should stop hurting me by making me believe he does care about me and just end it.
After our last fight he said he wants to go on a 'break', but didn't even define it for me, so I don't know what to think. I asked him what does it mean: are we still together? Can we see other people? Is it just some time for him to think about things? Does he just want some space alone? Can I not hug or kiss him? I need to him to define it for me so I know what my boundaries are and so he doesn鈥檛 play around with me you know. Later on that evening though, he was very huggy and we even had sex for the first time in 4 weeks! When we slept he also was cuddling me. I didn鈥檛 think that kind of behaviour was what people on a 鈥榖reak鈥?did? I hope a 鈥榖reak鈥?is not his way of just making an eventual breakup he鈥檚 already got planned in his head, easier for him.
I need space as well now because I can鈥檛 fully trust him at the moment and I am not sure if he meant all the things he said and don鈥檛 want to give all of myself to someone who will just throw it back at me.
We used to have such a fun sex life, but we鈥檝e done all the toy stuff, lingerie, different positions and places...I think we were perhaps too open and comfortable sexually too soon. I feel kind of stupid of now because no one had ever seen that side to me and for me it was special to show it to him because I felt so comfortable. He used to always want to lick me out and make sure I 鈥榞ot mine鈥?first...now he doesn鈥檛 even care about sex at all. I miss it. I miss him sending dirty texts and talking dirty. He always used to refer to it as 鈥榤aking love鈥?but I would tell him not to.
He said maybe we are both a little depressed because we spend a lot of time at home, don鈥檛 have many friends etc. And it seems like we are bringing out the worst in each other. He said he doesn鈥檛 make me happy anymore it seems. He used to have good group of friends and be popular at highschool, but is quite a loner at uni cos wIs my relationship coming to an end? :-( Is there no hope to repair it? (Very long)?
To be honest with you I think that your bf is too young to want the kind of intensity in a relationship that you are seeking yourself. Perhaps he can't handle this intensity of being with one person wholly and absolutely. perhaps he needs some space to himself occasionally. Do you both go out with other (platonic) friends during this time or are you constantly in each other's company and no-one else's?
The sex thing could be as a result of over-familiarity and you are right int hat maybe it all happened to fast and too soon. He just gives me the impression from what you've said to feel a bit crowded and a bit cornered. I emphasise that you havne't created this - you have done this together by moving in together perhaps too soon.
I think that you both need some space, and the questions you have about whether to cuddle him etc you need to ask him. What is the new profile of this relationship he is suggesting, and are you prepared to live with this? If he wants to go off with another girl, are you prepared to accommodate this (I wouldn't be).
Perhaps you both need to get out more with different friends so that you have something to talk about that's new, and he sees you as ';less available';. This is a problem with all major relationships - the guy sees the woman cleaning toilets etc it's not always great. Make sure when he does see you you are not doing domestic stuff (do this when he's not around). Make yourself into a femme fatale once again, and see if the magic returns. Good luck!Is my relationship coming to an end? :-( Is there no hope to repair it? (Very long)?
It's extremely apparent that you're very willing to make a change towards your relationship with this fellow. What I can advise is that you two don't come into contact every single day.. I used to do this with my current girlfriend and we became a married couple before you knew it. See him every other day. If you miss him too much on the days where you don't see him. Text, or call him for a brief period of time. Also, your boyfriend seems to share similar characteristics as I do. My girlfriend jokes about me being like the incredible HULK. When I get upset or fight with her, I'm a whole different person. Angry, selfish, and uncaring. But the complete opposite when I'm calmed down. Fights are a healthy part of a relationship as long as you can both handle them maturely. No violence, no saying things that you'll most certainly regret later on down the relationship.
Pff that's hard...
I think he was going through a phase... I don't have a really good answer, all I can say is give it some time and if he stills react that way then maybe your relationship is over.
I dont know, but guys usually want sex more than girls do. Maybe you didnt satisfy him well enough. Im not saying you didnt, its just that maybe that could be the answer to THE SEX PART. I dont know the guy, I dont know you, so I cant say what went wrong.
I just hope everything works out :)
Good luck girl!
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