Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I am in love with someone who is in a relationship..?

I am in love with a man who has been in a relationship for about six years off and on. I met him back when I was 15 (I'm 23 now), he was really into me and we dated for a little while. However, being that I was quite young, I broke things off with him before they got too serious as I felt too young to pursue a serious relationship at that time. He has been with someone for the past 6 years now and our families are pretty close knit so I do get to see him every now and then. Every time I see him, I get the idea he still has feelings for me. His relationship with this girl has been pretty rocky. About 3 years ago, she cheated on him - TWICE. They broke up a few times since then and ended up getting back together again. Recently, at my 23rd birthday he confessed to my best friend that he is still in love with me and that any time my family invites him over, he has to come. He said that his girlfriend gets really upset with him but he doesn't care because he just has to see me. My best friend then asked him ';oh so you're still with your girlfriend?'; and he put his head down and said ';yes but it is complicated.'; He was a little under the influence when he said this all to my best friend, however, as they say alcohol is truth serum. I think it is amazing that after all these years he is still in love with me. I can see it by the way he looks into my eyes when he sees me, the same way he did back when we were kids. It is very sweet and I think for those feelings not to have faded after all this time, what he feels for me is something quite special. He is not aware that I know what he said to my bestfriend on my b-day. (I am not so sure if he even remembers saying it.) The thing is, I am in love with him too. What should I do? Should I ask him about what he said? I am afraid that might complicate things. Do you think he will leave his girlfriend eventually? I don't want to tell him how I feel about him because I don't want to disrespect the woman he is with by doing so. I just don't want us to live our lives wondering ';what if?'; Please give me any feedback you may have on this, I would truly appreciate it. Thanks! Looking forward to seeing some responses.I am in love with someone who is in a relationship..?
Well I am happy to know there are some decent people out there :-) Kudos for having a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t. However, I think he is still ';inlove'; with the image he had in his head of you, especially since you were the one to break it off. All along he's been wondering ';what if'; and perhaps you were his real ';first love.'; However, he clearly has self esteem issues and don't be used as a band aid. Despite his disposition, he STILL managed to get back with her EVERY time so what does that tell you? He clearly has a bond with her, as unhealthy as it is or he would have moved on. Six years is ample time. He is emotionally co-depent and you will be a ';quick fix.'; He cares about this woman more than you, or he would have taken the time out to make it official with you. Use logic, and not so much emotion. I think you have him as ';the one that got away'; but he is clearly emotionally unstable. It would be unhealthy for you to get tangled in his web. I can almost guarantee that even if he dumped her, and got with you, if she came begging he would waiver. No one with self esteem and self respect puts up with someone who cheats, and chances are she cheated more than that, he just acknowledges those two times. Understand that a first love holds a special place, but this is a situation where you need to look forward and not backwords. Let them stay in the mess and sort it out. You don't need that kind of drama. Stay away from him, get yourself together, and eventually when you are emotionally ready start dating and you will find that special someone. Love conquers all fear. Hope is what keeps us motivated.I am in love with someone who is in a relationship..?
i think you should just go for it....i mean, i think that even though he said all that while he was somewhat drunk, i think it must be what he feels. it sounds like he's not happy with his current gf. and it's not like she has a lot of respect for him, and it's not like they're married. if they were, then you'd have to keep away from him, but since they're not, i think he's fair game. i think you should let him know how you feel. it would be so sad of both of you are still on love with each other, but you're both too afraid to say it. so, let him know. if he wants to get back together with you, and leaves his current gf, then so be it, so long as he lets her know it's over before you two get back together for too long i think it's all fair enough.
My opinion is that he has to sort out his situation himself. Do not tell him how you feel about him. He needs to have the courage and own motivation to end his relationship if he really does not love his girlfriend. Maybe get his other friend to help him sort this out, but you better stay away from him.
I think you should say something to him because what if you never get that chance again and no one should be with someone they don't love. I know its going to be hard to tell him and there are feelings on both sides i just feel if he goes and you don't stay anything. And the gf still in he life you'll think what if i had said something. Yes its true the gf feeling are in the mix and i know you don't want to hurt her but is hurting you any better by keeping your feeling for him inside. no one really wins in the end. hope i helped

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