If due to certain circumstances you cannot be with the person you truly love and you have to end the relationship how the hell do you cope? How do you stop yourself from loving them and wanting them?
How do you fill the void?
Im having a bad, low, night and I need some advice - please.
ThanksHow do you stop all contact and loving feelings for someone you truly love?
The truth is that you cannot turn off your feelings, or stop loving someone immediately. The only thing you can do is commit yourself to making the right decisions until you fall out of love.
You say that you know you cannot be with the person you love because of certain circumstances. I assume that this is a ';non-negotiable'; for you - whatever it is that makes you unable to be with this person, you cannot overlook. Knowing that, you can rest assured that you are making the best choice for YOU, and that your decision will eventually benefit you, in that you have a chance to find someone who's a better match.
I went through something similar, and though it's difficult, the best thing to do (at least, in my opinion) is to tell yourself, ';Hey, I made the best decision. I know that it's hard, but I have to be strong so I don't continue living a life that will eventually hurt me.'; In the meanwhile, think of this time as not only a time of mourning and letting go, but of rediscovering who you are, and reconnecting with friends. Think to yourself, ';Gee, now that I'm single, what have I wanted to do that I couldn't when I was with _______?'; Sometimes this means hanging out with friends your significant other didn't like. Sometimes this means just spending time with friends, reconnecting with them (since most of us lose touch with good friends once we're in a committed relationship). Sometimes, this means eating 2 tubs of ice cream, giving yourself a luxurious pedicure, and watching several episodes of your favorite TV show in a row. Whatever you do, make it something that you really enjoy! Your heart is hurting, and you deserve a break and a little ';me'; time.
Whatever you do, remember that being an emotional, sad mess doesn't make you attractive to whomever is out there, waiting to meet you! So seize this time as a time to really do what you want, and to strengthen your friendships.
And don't call your ex!!!!! The less contact you have, the more he/she will wonder why it has been so easy for you to move on.
I hope you have a better night. It's so cliche, but things WILL get better, in time, if you stay strong!How do you stop all contact and loving feelings for someone you truly love?
make plans, fill your days or night with something to keep you busy and away from your phone or computer. Start hanging out with your friends again. When you are with your friends, make an effort NOT to talk about him. It gets really old quick if you keep talking about this and that and we used to do this and this is our first song and blah blah. Try avoiding spending too much time alone. Unless you love to read or doing beading or knitting, whatever craft or hobby that you can get into for hours and hours that can help, if not, get out of the house or invite some people.
With time, you will learn to live without them and move on to something new.
I'm assuming that you are both married and you want to end it. It sounds like this will be a source of pain for you to end it. But it also sounds like you want it to end for whatever reason. So if that's the case, then just do it. Like a band-aid. Just say it, and end it. No contact, no thinking to yourself ';I wonder what she's doing right now?'; or ';she'd laugh her *** of at that one! I should tell her!';
If it's what you want, then do it. Otherwise, you might both end up divorced.
one day at a time. one step at a time. you cant erase all memory of this person, if you love them they are forever with you. but you can make sure you dont run into them. theres nothing like looking up and there they are and ohmygod. the world stops for a moment. if you physically stay away from them, and when you start dwelling on this person you mentally move away from these thoughts, in time it wont hurt so bad and youll be able to function. as for the coping.....for me writing everything down, good and bad, and squirreling it away somewhere helped. going for walks. sitting in the corner and having a good snot-running cry the first day i realized they were gone and i could never have them back. when the hurt dies away you can look back at your memories and smile to yourself. it will be a little bittersweet but you will always have the knowledge that for a little while you were loved. and thats more than some people get in life.
To survive the night, the week you need to get it out of ur head, and by far the best way where you can be absolutely totally brutally honest about every single emotion is to write it all down.
Trust me, it works.
You can rattle on and on for as long as you like.
You can discuss the rawest to the raunchiest of feelings without having to care what someone thinks!! Total honesty - its wonderful.
When you've got it out of your system you will feel loads better.
You'll probably have cried buckets - but so what.
Then, burn it.
And you never have to think that someone may judge what you once wrote on a bad day.
As for not seeing them - Count the hours when you can't think of anything you can do as an alternative. By this i don't mean watch the clock in misery - i mean PAT yourself on the back for getting through another hour without weakening. One hour becomes two and so on.
See your withdrawl as hourly ACHIEVEMENTS not punishments - and then try to find other things to do, something to take you away from your current thoughts.
Could you go horse riding? Swimming?
it works, try it.
You just do. At times it takes every fiber of your being to muscle through it, but you just do. You forbid yourself to contact the other person or to respond when they contact you.
With time, you start to date new people (or you work on your relationship with your spouse), so you put new memories over the ones of the forbidden one. That helps.
I feel your pain. I, too, am recently separated forever from the love of my life.
It has helped me to realize that my life has it's own direction and I have to stop fighting it. It sounds cheezy to say 'go with the flow' but that is exactly what we must do.
I know it's hard to be by yourself with just your thoughts and feelings over and over. I have constant flashbacks. But you must now replace the thought of him, with the thought of yourself, and what now do you want without him.
There's nothing in the world that can bring my man back now. And I have to accept it and start completely new. If you want to chat, I'm deja_xo@yahoo.com.
learn to love yourself more than you loved the other person.
Try and realize that sometimes the best of relationships and love can consist of a strong friendship. Don't dwell on it, keep yourself busy.
Sounds like you are sleeping with a married man to me.
I always distracted myself. I found other things to do besides sit and dwell on the past relationship.
I washed my hair, I dyed my hair, I painted my toe nails, I went shopping, I shopped online, I painted the living room, I cleaned my house, I organized every closet and every drawer.
It was suffocating, but it was the only way I could cope.
I never stopped loving this person...the love has faded, but it will never be gone...
I stopped wanting them when I focused on the negative that was in our relationship. I stopped wanting him when I found someone else that I wanted.
Fill the void? The best advice that I can give is to surround yourself with people that love you.
Losing the one you truly love is the hardest thing in the world...I hope that I never ever have to deal with it again...I flat out PRAY that I die before my husband does :(
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