Can you help me? I have to end my relationship NOW! this girl is OUT OF CONTROL! and yet..i love her?

It may sound weird...strange and odd that I must break someone heart to make them better but if you read carefully what I have to say then perhaps you may have an understanding. If you think its long DONT BOTHER ANSWERING and only read if if you are truly willing to help.





Alright, so I met this girl, and i started to like her, she barely knew me and she had sex with a 19 year old guy..she is 15(Dont worry..im 16). She was upset of what she had done and how she lost her virginity that she said it was wrong and such. I was upset and she asked me why. I said ';Because I really like you';. She smiled and just gave me a large hug..now her life is a living hell. Her parents are devorced and she is always fighting with them. Her mom trusts me alot to the point where I am the only guy aloud to be with her alone and anywhere. this girl has a few problems such as lust, she cant control her love for guys and she is always around them, this past month she came home with sucker marks and hickeys all over her neck, this is after she claimed she loves me. She struggles with smoking and such and I helped her with these problems!! my uncle is a youth pastor and he is also a counciler, she had counciling but it did not help one bit. He told me ';Stay away from this girl, she is trouble';. I listened with a heavy heart. THe girl eventually cried and was heartbroken that I ignored her, her mom believes that I can help her out and in the future we can build a good relatinship together.





This week I went to a after prom party...I invited her, she told me she got into a fight with her father. I told her to call or text him to say sorryt and make up but later I found out that she called him just to brag about how she was at a teenage partyy at 3:00 am in the morning, she twisted my intentions!





Now I just found out she called the guy that she slept with..he is 19 and almost went to jail because she lied and said that he rapped her when she told me and everyone else that it just happened and that what they did was wrong. I now know she wanted to save her own @ss. If she treats her OWN father like that with such coldheartesness, who the hell am I to her?





She tells everyone that ';He is the right guy for me, i love him and he cares for me, he helped me so much with all my problems';.





She said she loves me, but only God knows how many boys she said that to.





My final point and question: My uncle does not allow me to talk to her via phone or internet, I can only speak to her in church and in a place where we can be seen. My plans for tonight is to sever all atachment once and for all. I love her but I need to do this for myself and for her. I am going to end our friendship once and for all. She is not to talk to me at all and we are to live as if we never existed. I am doing this because I cant simply talk to a girl I love and not hand around her, plus she has all these manipulations and lies and yet I still like her.





How do I do this? how do I end our friendship? will it help her realize her errors and mistakes or will it screw her up even more? please helpCan you help me? I have to end my relationship NOW! this girl is OUT OF CONTROL! and yet..i love her?
Okay, you wrote a long question, so you can expect a long response.





By doing exactly what you said you would do. Ending all contact with her. You find out if she really loves you by threatening the loss of you. Does that make sense? If she is true to what she's saying about how much she loves you, then she won't be able to stand being away from you. You need to tell her something like this. Not the exact words, but in the mix of it.





Look, I can't talk to you anymore until you get yourself straight. I want to see if you love me like you say you do. I'm only doing this because I know you are really a wonderful and beautiful person that CAN do better. You have to realize the mistakes you are making. Whenever you are thinking of something like lust or smoking, think about me. If you really love me, that will stop you in your footsteps right there. And if it doesn't change, then obviously you don't love me so I shouldn't waste all of my life thinking about a person that doesn't care about me at all.





That's what I would say. But man, if you really like her, you have to let her go. Don't beat yourself up over this one girl. It is possible for her to recover from something like this. My grandfather quit smoking JUST because I was born and he wanted to be able to spend more time around me. He didn't even know me yet. That's love. My grandmother quit going to clubs (she was a teenager) and lusting after men because she realized she was hurting people like her mother, and father etc. If she REALLY loves you deep down, she CAN change.





Who knows? Maybe you and her are meant to be. Maybe God put you and her together because he knew that you could straighten her out. Either way, good luck, and be blessed!Can you help me? I have to end my relationship NOW! this girl is OUT OF CONTROL! and yet..i love her?
Just be honest with her
it would probally mess her up more... talk to her and tell her why you have to do this is. she's going to be mad at you but one day she might understand.
tell her that you know that she is talking to the 19 year old guy and tell her that if she really wants to be with you that she would stop her old way and start being so giving ( meaning that to tell her to stop giving it to every guy she likes.
You are absolutely right to end the relationship. This girl is severely mentally ill, and you are not the cure. It's not your responsibility to help her, and if you're not a psychotherapist, you can't help her anyway.





Tell her you care for her, but cannot go on like this. She is incapable of having a relationship with anyone while she is so sick. You are too young to be saddled with this. Go live your life and let her go. The youth counselor was correct- this girl is trouble. Only intense therapy with a medical professional (NOT a church youth counselor) will help her realize her mistakes. She is in a lot of pain because of her parents divorce, it will be years before she's okay.





End it, feel no guilt, and stay away.
Man if she loves you she will change. We do sacrifices for the one we love.


She tell her that you are doing this because you love her and that she is out of control. You will only take her serous if she makes a change to better her self. About her family issues she needs help from an expert. If you love her then sacrifice your love and let her take you down with her you can only help if you are standing.
I think it probably will screw her up more But she is toxic for you and her total disregard for anyone feelings but her instant gratification is ultimately will be her downfall. I think if you really care about her, you should give her an ultimatum. Tell her that if she does not make a change in the way she behaves and treat other people by the end of june, you will no longer speak to her. If she cares for you, she will make an attempt to change even though she is acting that way because she is hurt and only feel love from the attention she gets from the guys she is messing around with!
tell her how you feel, give her one more chance, and if she doesnt change, then get rid of her by telling straight to her face why you cant be together, and dont take any of her excuses.
I think your best bet is to write out your feelings - tell her the things you have shared with us. If it's in writing and you give it to her, she will not be able to interrupt you if you trying to speak to her, PLUS she will have it to look back on and maybe one day realize how horrible she has been to you. Tell her that you can not go on being her doormat. You shouldn't have to be. She sounds like a fair-weather friend and doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. You do need to find someone who can love and respect you just as much as you do them. Good luck!
Um...wow you are a really good bf.





First let me start by saying that your were great to try and help her and all but you sound like a really good person and she is causing a lot of problems. Since you have to end the relationship tell her that you cant be with her because of the way she is. She might actually try to change after that or maybe she wont even care. Just tell her straight up that this isnt healthy for you or her. Who knows how it will effect her...it could be good for her. Just dont regret it learn from it. Only God can help her now.


You cant control who you like or why but you have done enough. I think your doing the right thing. Once she gets better maybe you can have a good relationship because it sounds like she's just relying on you to be there no matter what she does.
Hmmm... it sounds like whatever you say or however you say it at first she will not like it. But from what i can tell she manipulates your intentions like you said and that isnt good for you if you actually love her. I suggest that you maybe do it somewhere face to face not over the internet where she can say stuff she may regretshe isnt going to like it and it must be hard as her mum is involved but be selfish and take into consideration your needs, she obviously isnt good for you as it is making you feel this way, especially if youve fallen for her and it isnt reciprocated. I wouldnt say to her that you want to finish the whole friendship but i would advise you to do this in the long run.





Dont know quite how to put it but i think it needs to be done quite quickly without lots of fuss. :/





dont know if ive helped good luckk xxxx
its difficult but just tell her that her not being able to commit to only you wont work. (coming back with hickeys) and that you cant live with thelies.


your uncles right...


it would probably be best if you guys werent even friends cause it would be easier for both of you to get over each other that way.


im sorry...
She sounds alot like me when i was her age she has a lot of problems and it would probably screw her up alot if you ended ur friendship with her but if you feel that it is best for you then do it jus kno that there has to b a reason y she is wanting all of this attention i kno there was with me





if you need to talk e-mail me maybe i can help





LOVED_08_09@yahoo.com





Good luck
tell hr wats wrong wid her n y u HAVE to do this. dont talk rubbish aftr dat coz it wud undo the effect.


leave hr then bt dont lose cntrol of urself or u'll probbly end up hurting her. let hr ponder ovr her mistakes n leave sum way open fr her t get back to u bt pretend to do it unintentionally.


gud luck!
it will screw her up even more because she will realize her errors. be gentle w/ her, though, don't yell at her, accuse her of anything, etc.


she definitely sounds like a nutcase though, so i would stay away from her after u break up. once u break up, u will get over it. many people get over things like this, it will just take time. u could be depressed for a little while, but that is how everything like this works.
i think it might be best for you to end it, it sounds like you are stressed out im going through somthing now that is very similar and i cant take it any more so maybe if you love her you should let her go.
have you seen ';crazy beautiful';...rent it if you havent...the characters are much like you two.





but i must say this girl sounds like trouble and like she'll just keep breaking your heart. i know you might try and stop talking to her..but i think you'll give in becus you love her so much. you wont get it until she really hurts you. me telling you that she'll ruin your life and shatter you heart will do nothing becus if you're like me you have to risk getting your heart broken at the chance you'll be happy. if you cut it off now, you'll always think about what it would've/could've been.





this might be the wrong advice...but seeing i've lived through someting similar..i say risk it. talk to her. love her. change her. and if you come out losing, and you get hurt. think of it like this. it's another experience, the experience is another beautiful stroke with a paintbrush on the canvas we call life. these experiences as hard as they may be, will build your character and make you a better person. i'm 16, and i took a risk like this with my current bf. the story was not as severe but he did have a history of cheatig/ drugs/ sex. but our friendship changed him [he was already in the process of changing though] and i didnt wanna risk it cus i knew what he was like, but i couldnt deny my feelings. we're really happy now and i hope i dont get hurt. i kept my guard up for a long time, but now that it's down..we're really happy. i hope you two can be happy.
Well the way you write it sounds like you are not a looser and you would be a great man for any woman.And i think you should meet her and talk to her seriously abut everything,without lies...tell her about that,there is no point to lie becasue soon or laiter the truth wll come up,talk to her if she can actuly make a good relationship and totaly change and live different life way.Like your not stupit and m sure you know how to do it.She also sound like she has so much pressure she just does it and at the end of all she gets no enjoyment of all that shes doing.I think she needs your help and i think you can get her out of that sluty and stupit life she lives right now,But it may not succseed but i think it will but it will take some time.Tell her you will suport her with smoking and everything and wount put ressure on her but will do it by nice way to stp all that and start a new life with you,GOOD LUCK!!! And one more thing...i think if you will give up she will beome a slut,i think your saving someones life right now and if you stop it may that she will become a slut or you can keep trying for some more time and if it doesnt work out then..it wount.
I agree. Be honest with her. She's already messed up, so don't feel bad! She has issues that she needs to deal with alone. Don't let her bring you down. You tried. Surround yourself with positive people that can actually return the favor of caring about your problems sometimes.
Just tell her straight up, that you cant take all her lies.


And say you would like it better if yall didnt talk anymore.
Tell her that you are breaking up with her because you tried to help her with all her issues and it doesn't seem like she wants your help anymore. If she really loves you and wants you in her life, than you leaving will be a slap in the face for her and hopefully it will set her straight.
It seems that this girl's problems aren't only affecting her life; but yours too which definitely is not good within a relationship.


Your not happy so your doing the right thing by breaking it off because it will help her deal with all her situations before she is ready to have a serious relationship.





depending on how long you have going out/dating etc. (if its been more than a month) I think you should do it face to face or at least on the phone..not by text.


Simply because if you have the courage to break it off with her you should have the courage to do it through talking so you can explain your reasons and that you do love her, but you cant deal with someone who messes you around and that has problems that are affecting your life.





At first she may be surprised/speechless/sad but let her know that if she doesn't want to talk about it now, that you can later because from personal experience I know that this girl will want some answers to her questionss





I think what you have chosen to do is a very wise decision and you are only doing it out of love and care for this girl


so i hope everything goes well and that you still remain on talking terms





GOOD LUCK :)
Well, you took the time to write all that so I'm going to take the time to respond. :)


Okay, to me it seems like the only reason her and her mom want you to be there is because you're a good guy and they probably think you can pull her act together. If your uncle truely believes she is trouble, you should stay away from her. Like you said, her life is already in hell, and you don't want her to ruin it for you. I know you're going to be scared about confronting her about this but you just have to. You have to tell her that the things going on in her life are a lot for you to try to help her with and say 'We can stay friends, but your life is making my life a little bit harder.'; There really is no easy way to tell her this but you have to say it as nice as possible so she doesn't freak out and you don't end up sounding rude and like an idiot. There are ways like ';I don't like you, we're breaking up'; but that won't solve anything except for the fact that she will most likely hate you and never talk to you. You have to be polite and say, 'I know you're going through rough times, but right now I'm helping you deal with your problems when I have my own stuff. We can still be friends. I hope you understand and you're not mad at me.'


Sorry for it being so long but I like helping people with these things because it's happened to my best friend and I know how her and the guy got through it.


Hope this was helpful


:)
you are too GOOD for her!!! i promise, you will find someone soo much better than her... someone who wont walk off and sleep with someone else. this girl is way insecure and you should feel bad for her. she did really bad stuff but, its only because of her insecurity. and arent you glad you found out about this before y'all were together until age 20 and got married? well you would have had to live with her. just say 'im sorry but i cannot see you anymore. good luck with your life, and i hope all is well in the future.'





i hope that will help.


GOOD LUCK!


-michelle
just emotionally blackmail her


i.e. say to her if she wants to be with u, then simply grow up
wow, that's a lot for you to deal with! I'm sorry for you! um, First you have to take care of you and she is dumping all over you and you don't deserve that! So i agree you should end things! Also she will be fine! You have to be honest with her and tell her why you are doing this and that she needs to take time to fix herself and don't be afraid to point out her faults! That might be what changes her mind and makes her better! When u do this u have to end it for sure or she will continue to abuse your friendship! and last ....... there are plenty of girls out there that will want you! Don't worry about her! It will be ok! Good luck and stick to your guns!
whether she realizes that you're trying to help or not, you have to stay away from her. she is a typical self-destructive personality and possibly has a more distinctive personality disorder such as sociopath. people like that try to destroy everything around them and you do not want to be caught in the wake if she tries to destroy you. unfortunately staying away from her may be the only way for her to realize that she is wrecking even the good things in her life with her behavior. once she gets serious psycho-therapy and starts to get well, maybe you can renew your friendship. until then, leave her alone and make no contact with her. it sucks and it may break your heart, but it's for your own well-being as well as hers. best of luck
Oh man this is a bummer for you. she is a total crazy AZZ for SURE!!!! There is not much you can do except get back at her crazyness!!!, You should submit her pic on http://www.didyoueattoday.com/ they will anonymously post her pic and bash on her for you, sometimes that can help you feel better. and that will help you move on!
Okay. Don't take offense to what I say, because I honestly mean it to be helpful.


This is coming from a wierdly insightful 17 year old girl.





Alright, truth? You aren't in love. You're 17. You might think so, but you aren't.


';blah blah blah, you couldn't know that...'; Okay, I promise, you're going to have a wife someday that thinks you're the center of the earth, and will never, ever dream of doing anything that would hurt your feelings.





This is highschool. Honest truth is you probably aren't even going to remember this girl in 10 years.


Don't be dramatic. Don't let others inflict drama on you.





Just let it go, life's going to move on. Just, take the waves as they hit you. It takes alot of God's help to part the sea.
Tell her she needs to cut the crap (or say it nicer). If she can't be honest then she can't be a good friend. Tell her (idk if this is the best way to break it to someone) ';If you really love me like you say you do then stop smoking, lying, cheating, and doing wrong';. you will know she is good for you if she agrees to this
wow firstly ur uncle is right she is alot of trouble and if you get involved with her you will just get your self in to trouble.


secondly i understand how hard it must be to tell a girl it over and a friendship if you love them however you really do need to let go of this one no matter what anyone says.


last but not least finishing it, it is never easy and you will always feel that you have made a mistake and feel mean however for you and for her future when finishing her make sure youu tell her why and what she has done wrong other wize she will never learn and just think ur a dick.


i cant really telly you what to say because i dont no every bit of detail on what has happend. Just make sure you tell her why you are doing this and what she has done wrong for your and her own good.