To make a long story short, my first love came back into my life almost two years ago. We hadn't spoken in alomst 20 years, but of all places on Facebook, we reconnected again and ended up talking, and eventually meeting again, and starting a relationship.
But at the same time, he was also just newly divorced, was still going through court arguments for settlement with her, and he hadnt invested in someone new.
I trusted him very much, he was still very much the same great person I'd dated and been friends with when we were teenagers.
His career is a pilot. So our first date was in November, and he kept saying he would see me when he came back into town again, we made plans and then he had to cancel becuase of work. Then he'd go off to his work for a month and he called and we kept in touch over email, getting to know each other again.
We finally did meet again in March, and had a second date, it was scrunched into other things he had to do, but I accepted a date anyway, since i couldnt wait to see him.
we had a great time, and after that I could tell he was still very nervous about being with someone, his condifence was low, but this was a man I knew from a long time before, it seems to make things very different. Like seeing an old friend. you realize people change, but dont, not too too much.
anyway, there were a lot of excuses about why we couldn't see each other, mostly all to do with work and him needing to do things when he was back in town, and needing to go back to work early (in another country). when I think about it he didn't treat me very well.
i supported him very much through his fears, and really fell in love with him again and he knew that.
but he started getting distant, emailing less often, and the only way we could contact was through email. I asked him about it, and it seemed like he wasn't interested to be with me, and he just said work was very very busy, which it was, and he was having a court case coming up about his ex wife which was very awful and he was also gun shy. He would make silly excuses like he couldnt email me becuase his computer crashed (3 times).
well the day after his big court case with his ex wife, he told me he needed distance for a while and I was to respect that, and two weeks later he was listed on facebook as being in a relationship, and there were photos of them on facebook together. I know him very well, he was in love with her, and willing to put all of his efforts into that relationship, like I thought he was willling to do with me.
i was crushed, I felt like i was cheated on, that i had supported his career and cancellations and been patient, and he didnt' even tell me that we were over, and that he was in love with someone else. I know it's hard to say to someone, but i sent him an email, and it told him that I guess that i had to learn that you were seeing someone new, on facebook. I dont understand why you disrespected me so much or what i ever did to deserve such behaviour, to not even have a conversation about how things were over and we're better friends.
anyway, he appologized in email, he said i was a wonderful person and very very special. He respected me a lot he said. and he hoped we could be friends. but he was honest with me about being gun shy and i scared him with my pressure of being excited to be together.
i am still broken hearted because what i feel like it did was... i gave myself to him in friendship and trust, it's 23 years we've known each other. he never thanked me for all of the support i gave to him, and the worst was he never just told me and ended things with respect and love. i told him i couldnt be friends with him becusae a friend wouldnt hurt me the way he did.
my friends, and even 'he' said, he was going through a hard time, he did the best he could, but now he's in love with her, and even moved to her country. but even my imagination of what my first love was like with him, is tainted. it was 18 months of our teenaged life.
i still sometimes feel like what could i have done to have deserved such behaviour or for him not to even have thanked me or at least talked to me about why it wasnt' working for him. i gave him all of my support in those months and he didnt' accept it.
I wonder if I am making a large deal out it, but I feel in real love or with real respect between lovers, or old friends, we care abotu each other's feelings, and we respect each other. we discuss things and we end things with dignity and maturity. the fact that he wasn't willing to talk to be about things or to see if I was ok, or to end things face to face, told me maybe that heHow do you overcome/ forgive someone who ended a relationship in a cruel way?
As hard as it seems right now, don't obsess over this. Give it a lot of time...several months. You will most likely see that it is all for the best. What would have happened if you got married, or carried out a longer relationship only to find this out about him much later?
I know...it hurts. Do you deserve this? No. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately in some cases) we don't always get what we ';deserve.';
The bottom line is the guy does not want to have a life with you, he wants a life with someone else. End of story.
You are left with a broken heart, which will mend in time...I promise it can, if you let it.
One more thing: Try not to wrap your whole existence up in needing someone else. Love being with you for a while...then when you find the right one, you can be happier with them, because you are happier with you. Just a side thought.
BlessingsHow do you overcome/ forgive someone who ended a relationship in a cruel way?
http://www.gospelway.com/family/marriage鈥?/a>
get revenge
then forgive:)
Well, this sounds like a very complex situation. Firstly I am sorry, this can be so heartbreaking, and it seems in a way that he really cared alot about you, but needed you more as a support while he was going through this stuff, he should have thought a little more about how that was going to make you feel later on. It sucks, I know, I've been in a situation where my boyfriend and I were very serious (pretty much living together) when one night while we snuggled in to watch a movie, half way through it he gets up and says ';I can't do this anymore... '; I tried to get an answer and never did, until via facebook (what a great thing that is) I made contact with him again. He tells me now (now that I am happily married with children) that the reason he did that was because he knew one day I would want to have kids and he never did. What a crock. Anyway you are feeling everything you should be, hurt, betrayed etc He acted like a jerk, and maybe the best revenge is to move on and try to look back on it as another challenge that life has sent you.
Let it go .it's in the past now.Think what did you learned from this . Some guys can't be honest how they feel.there is someone better out there for you.it feels like ages , when it happens you will appreciate it.sometimes every thing happens for a reason.we feel bad now,when the good things start happening we forget all about the bad things
Don't forgive him. Nothing good can come out of it. You want a relationship with him, and obviously he does not. The friendship is a mere facade for you true feelings. If things are settled over -- your feelings for him will never go away. Had things ended years ago on this note -- you wouldn't have had this ';re-connection'; of feelings.
He treated you badly. Leave it at that. Be upset. Let him live his life, and take up your new one.
Some things are best if they end badly. Relationships are one of them. Always remember that. Or be prepared to be in quite a bit of pain. I always roll my eyes when people tell me they had a ';mutual'; break up, and that they're just friends. Really? All it was is that one side decided to break up, and the other merely agreed, but kept the hope alive that they might get back together if they remain ';friends.'; This is a horrible lie to live under.
You are now given the chance to step out, and live. Take the step forward -- not back.
No comments:
Post a Comment