We have been together for almost 5 years. We met when I was 18, he was 23. We were both coming out of some really bad situations... not bad relationships, just bad times in life. We kind of picked each other up. We became really possessive over each other and sort of controlling. He was abusive to me, and I was abusive to him. I am not even going to blame all of it on him. Sure, there are obvious times I remember that he was a complete jerk to me and ';kicked'; me when I was down, not literally kicked, but you get my drift. We have insulted each others families. He made me fell bad and rubbed it in that his family had more money can could support us in ways that mine couldn't, his aunt signed for us to get our first apartment... he would always say, ';My aunt cosigned, what has your family ever done?'; then I would retaliate and call him a spoiled brat. I just feel at 18, I was immature and impulsive and we pushed each others buttons. He got a job promotion, and we moved 10 hours away from home. We started fighting again. He got drunk one night about 2 years ago and we got into a physical altercations which resulted in me getting a bloody nose and him going to jail. He and his mom blamed me for it. He eventually came around and apologized. He went a year to where he drank almost every night and verbal abuse got worse, and I retaliated more by saying hurtful things to him, or hitting him because he would hurt me emotionally so badly. I stopped drinking for a while and stopped going to bars with him to avoid arguments all together. We went out one night recently and got into an argument because I wanted to order a 10 dollar pizza, it was on his tab and he was mad because he thought I was on a diet and shouldn't be eating... then he said it was because the pizza was 10 bucks. I got mad and pushed him on the bed an tore his necklace... he called the cops and I went to jail, and I am trying to get into nursing school. He recently got a DUI after all the times I told him not to drive drunk... he had made me feel lame in the past for not wanting to go out because I don't like to drink and drive. He insults me because I have no frineds, and calls me a loser. I call him a drunk.. Now that he has a DUI he needs so much support, and he wants to hang out with me more and try to ';rekindle'; our relationship, but I have already made plans to leave behind his back. I have called my family so many times and told them how we treat each other and they don't like him at all, and I feel bad because I feel like I shouldn't have told anyone our business, but it wasn't like he would try to talk it out at the time anyways, so I had to tell someone or I would have went crazy. I just feel like I am at the end of my rope. I don't understand why he wants to work it out after all the crap we have done and said to each other. I can't do it anymore, and he will be stuck here in this state with no friends, a suspended license, no where to go. I feel horrible, but I can't do it anymore. I love him so very much, but I don't even like to have sex with him anymore, or even really kiss him. I don't know how to get those feelings back. He has poured his heart out to me, and it makes me think that maybe I should stick it out and see if I can get those feelings back, but I also am 22, and I want to see what is more to life... I am just heartbroken. Can anyone relate?I am heartbroken about ending my relationship... can someone please give me a little advice?
I actually did read it all, I'm surprised how many people will just say shorten it.
You aren't happy, he isn't happy, it's just familiar.
You both go out of your way to hurt the other. You aren't happy with the person he is, he isn't happy with the person you are and at the very least, you aren't happy with the person you are.
Since you are young and this is probably your first long term relationship, you know of no other thing, but believe me, relationships should not be like that.
Move back home. Wish him well, write him a letter if you have to and start again.
If you don't like kissing him or having sex, how fruitful of a life would you have with him anyway.
Your time is done. You don't have the history of being sensitive to one another.
Here is your challenge though.. Is that person you described the person you want to be??? If no (and I hope it's no), you need to change your thinking, your respect of yourself and of others or most of your relationships will go that way.
Best of luckI am heartbroken about ending my relationship... can someone please give me a little advice?
if u could shorten ur question it will be better 4 us to answer
I went through a really bad heartbreak at 20. It was terrible. Looking back on it, I'm so thankful it didn't work out and I am happily married now (I'm 28), and the mother of a little boy. But, when I was going through that time, it was horrible. It was like grieving a death, but almost worse in a sense, because the person was still alive. It is a very confusing and emotional time. My advice to you is: stay as busy as possible. Fill in your schedule with as much as you possibly can. The less you lay around and think about it the better. But, when you feel the need to cry, cry. When you feel the need to talk about it, talk about it. Understand that it is a process, and allow yourself time to heal. But definitely stay busy with other people, even if it means joining some new groups, clubs, volunteering, anything, just to stay busy. That is really what helped me. And...exercise, the sun, and talking out your feelings. Everything you feel is totally natural. I had no idea it would be so painful to go through a breakup, but it is. It is terrible. But...one day, you will just feel better. And life will start looking bright and hopeful again. And then, you will look back and actually be thankful that it didn't work out, because you will see that it is better for both of you, but don't try to get to that point now. It is a process. It will probably take about a year to start seeing it that way. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Come on dear! What you need is new eyes to look each other.I am given to understand basically you both love to argue but I love to argue,can't you both stop hating each other.You both seem to be loving each other but for your egos of both.Just think calmly.You both are made for each other.Give peace a chance,Ok? Best of luck.
You said it right when you said ';abusive relationshiop';. The only way I can relate is the way you describe yourself...';18, immature and impulsive';, which pretty much describes my ex-girlfriend. She would yell and scream at me, and even hit me when she got upset. I would never hit her back and even broke up with her because she was too emotional. The only reason we lasted is because I was more mature for my age even though we were both 18, and I tried really hard to change her ways. But it sounds here that you got mixed up with guy who is immature, and not-motivated. Tell me, where is he at 27? A drunk,, with a decent paying job. I can tell you that its the right thing for moving on away from him, it really is. Although I think you should use this relationship to realise your own faults so you dont end up in another relationship like that. You yourself sound like you made a lot of mistakes, im sure you know that. I think you should take some time away from relationships, realise what went wrong. Accept the break up happened, let your feelings pour out, , then think how you can improve yourself (not think about how bad he was) so next time you dotn have to deal with that again.
Are you two legally married ? Just living-together right ? Hhmm.. what to say ? From your descriptions it seems just too bad. And i can't suggest you to stay. Hitting each other to a point where one gets arrested !!! i mean wtf ?
but i guess you are like that only. It's your nature right ? Although i can't understand it, if you two people are like that only, perhaps you can give him a chance. Actually I can't guarantee you a better relationship out of it. I don't know if the new guy you hit may also turn out to be similar !! But again i have doubts if he is doing all these pouring his heart out act, because he needs your support now !!
May be you can give him a chance. And this time don't fight like ***. And stay like humans. That's insane.
the reason i am finally asking you to stay is that: i don't want to see another question from you saying, ';I miss him now. What do i do now ?'; Five years is a long time and since he is your first love, you wont get over him pretty easily. So better stick with him when he needs you. Hopefully your love and support will change his mind altogether. All the best.
yes i definitely relate, i was in a relationship that broke my heart all the time, i tried to commit suicide over it, it was devastating, but i kept giving it more and more chances because he was the one i wanted it to work with.
Now i realize, even if we really love each other, that's no reason for us to keep doing this because all it's doing is hurting like hell. And trust me, from experience, you might not want to believe it, but when you finally put it in the past and even meet someone new you can have a healthy relationship with, you finally get some perspective on your old relationship and you'll realize you never want to go back to such a dark place again
no one in their right senses..will read all of that..sorry can't help u ..
but just in case ur down and out..go for a vacation or place..which will relax u mentally and physically..also indulde in stuff u like..like shopping..or hobbies..don't stay indoors..and listen to sad love songs..
hope that helped..!
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