How do you tell someone your married to that you are not in love with her and want to end the relationship?

We have been married for 13 years but not together for the past 3 years( leaving in two different homes). The plan was to work on ourselves and then come back together. Where going through some hard times, I lost my job, just unemployment, fighting about the children, fighting over the house, the BILLS, not making the other person feel like they where number 1, I was smoking weed(which she wanted me to stop but she know I was smoking in high school )and it goes on. But the more I was away the more I grow apart from her. At first I was trying to come back home but I was not over some of my bad habits yet. So I could not come home. Mean while another woman has come in to my life whom I have fallen in love with. She excepted me for whom I am with all my down points. This other woman has lead to Christ. Stay with me through all my hard time ( I am banker in these times) she has uplifted me when I was down. I have informed my wife of her but NOW she wants to except me back with all my problems. I want to move on but my wife wants me back. The another woman is so GREAT to me but I miss my children. Plus I am having a hard time telling my wife I want to leave her. I am not sleeping and this is making me sick. How can I get through this.How do you tell someone your married to that you are not in love with her and want to end the relationship?
Sounds as though you need professional advice rather than the advice you are going to get via Yahoo! Answers.





Perhaps you could find a therapist you could work with to figure out who you are and what you want in your life. If you've tried one and it didn't work, try another--this is a very personal type of work, and you will work best with a person when you have found a good ';fit'; with you and the therapist. If you got a haircut you didn't like, you wouldn't go back, would you? But you wouldn't give up haircuts, either--you'd keep trying until you found a stylist who did the job in a way that works well for you. And making decisions about your life that you feel comfortable with is a *lot* more important than a haircut!





How do you tell someone your married to that you are not in love with her and want to end the relationship?
Are you really positive that what you are saying here are all true? You know, you'll only prove that you love someone through time. But if you're sure of your feelings, then don't worry about the child, you will always be their father, as to your wife, just talk to her, and ask her not to plead and push you to come home. As for the other woman, treat her with all respect and never do what you've done with your ex.
You need to be honest with yourself and both of these women. Make a decision and live with it. You can still be a great father to your children and what ever your choice please think of how you can make them stable and have love in either situation.
Just tell her: its over, I want to move on and follow up on your actions.
Just come out and say it. You're only wasting her time and yours.
When I quit smoking weed my head cleared and I was more focused. I hate to think that I wasted my twenty's and half way into my thirties not focused. I was a better Dad and husband.


I never moved out of my house but like you fell in love with a beautiful woman that was really easy for me to get along with. We never had sex but had some really hot make out sessions. When my wife found out about her she broke down and sobed for three months. It killed me that I hurt her. I had a hard time getting over my lady love but my wife was the mother of my children and I owed the family my best shot. It took several years to fully get over the feelings I had for the other lady. But I chose to fall in love with my wife. I still miss that beautiful lady but I am glad that I stayed with my wife. You have a choice. If you commit to your wife, it won't be easy but at one time you planned to stay with her forever. Forever hasn't ended yet so you still have some time on that meter. As for your girlfriend, as hard as it will be you could let her know how you need to do this for your family. That is your first commitment.


On the other hand, I have been with my wife ten years since that girl friend and I can say I don't regret the time we have had, but it has gotten difficult again. It's your move Sport
Rodney





You have some hard growing up to do-and it looks like your family is going to pay the price-especially your children-if you don't do it soon





You don't tell her your wife that you do not want to be married. What you do is ';man up'; and for the first time you in your life you do what you said you would do- you FIX your marriage





Do what you promised you would do when you temporarily moved out; Had you been working on your marriage you could not have fallen in love with some ';not so decent woman-who put herself in the middle of your marriage'; unless you fed her a line of crap too





You dump this other woman-who by the way is lying thru her teeth about accepting you the way you are- We do not do that-especially when we have children with you





What the heck does your high school dope smoking have to do with anything- We all did things in high school that we STOP doing when we grow up, get married and have children that we are responsible for





If you are hoping for anyone with any sense to give you a free pass, permission or a pat on the back for what you are wanting to do-you are sadly mistaken. You owe your wife and your children to stop playing like a child and to do the right thing





This new women sounds almost as bad-since she is manipulating you into continuing to lie and ignore your responsibility





Your marriage is not different than anyother marriage that finds itself in trouble and it can be fixed if both people actually DO something





Then statistics show that the majority of people are happier in 5 years when they fixed the marriage and stayed together than those who moved on to other relationships/marriages





So you have nothing to lose and everythingn to gain by staying and taking care of your your business
You haven't lived with this person in over 3 years??? Something tells me this info (your wanting a divorce) wont come as a shock to them...unless they are in a coma.





You've already made your decision so tell your wife NOW as respectfully as possible. Let her know that your decision is FINAL so she can begin to move on with her life. Keep in mind she has been waiting on you for the past 3 years - you owe it to her to tell her now.





PS - As wonderful as the new chick may be - YOU are still dragging around the same smelly baggage that will stink up her house too. Marriage is a partnership - you don't separate to become a better person. You work on it together to build a stronger relationship.
You have to make a choice. No one can do that for you. It is seldom a successful solution to separate and try to work on marital problems. One or both people usually end up moving on to another way of life. If you want to say with this new woman then you need to tell your wife you aren't going to reconcile. Then file for divorce. You could file for joint custody of the children if you did, it doesn't mean you will never see them again. But the choice is yours.
You need to work a lot on yourself. First you need to realize that smoking weed is bad, sounds like an old saying but it`s the truth. You married and had children and to keep doing high school things, was just imature. She obviously wanted you to change. You have this other woman now accepting who you are because she just met you, she doesn`t have any children with you and so it is easy for her to love you. Your wife has had to put up with you plus have your children which complicates everything. This other woman has no responsability but be with you...it is easier for her and it is easier for you...


But your wife needs you and your children need you. You need to be a husband and a father. Go back to your wife and change your bad ways. Stop smoking and acting the way you are. Look for a job, get responsible like all grown men. Be with your kids, they are by far more important than this new woman who`s complicated your life even more. I`m sure she cares about you, but she doesn`t care about the kids or your wife, ultimately she wants you to choose her over everything.


But be smart before one of your kids learns to hate you for leaving mommy and them. If you do the right thing, you will be blessed with work and more things that will lead to your success in life as a worker, and as a father and family man.






my thought is... your wife expects certain things from you as a husband and a father.. doesnt mean that she doesnt accept who you are... but people grow up and change.. if smoking weed is a part of you that doesnt affect other things then she might accept that.. i'm just saying that being who you are is not all that you should live for when you have a family.. you should be who you are in a productive way.. and also be there for your family .. find ways to compromise and make it work for everyone.





i know the other woman in your life is tempting because she has just met you... like JQP said..she does not need you in a way that your wife and children need you.. so you dont feel any pressure from her. but whatever pressure you feel from your wife.. think about it.. you feel responsible for their feelings and well being some how ...other wise you wouldnt be this way.. which means that you care.. love is not always fun.. but once you make the people you love happy.. i think you will be happy too.





you got married.. and you both promise for better or for worse.. you have children.. you cant just walk out and throw it all away because you want to be the way you are.. and do whatever you want.. your wife will forgive you but you must want this too





good luck with whatever you decide
You are so aggg!! Seriously, the time apart was NOT for you to start cheating, but to work on bettering yourself. She wants you back because she wanted you all along, she never thought you were apart, did she? Well just tell her and that is all that you can do. I think you feel guilty, that is why you can't sleep. But eeeh it will go away. Gah, you should be happy, makes me mad that you are not even happy after all you got what you wanted.
Divorce doesn't mean you can't see your children. Get joint custody or generous visitation rights (if your wife is in any way sensible she'll realize that kids needs both their parents).





You and your wife have obviously grown apart and to be honest it doesn't sound like you could get back together again and have a good marriage, especially since you've lived apart for three years already.





Divorce isn't something one should take lightly but unless you truly wish do get back together with your wife (and not just for the sake of the children - that rarely works, but because you love her) divorce might be the best solution, especially as you've found someone who you love and loves you.





The important thing is to make your decision and to stick by it. This in-between time wont benefit anyone, not you, not your wife, your children or your new love.
Time to make the hard decision. What do you want and live with that decision. Sitting on the fence isn't doing you the wife the kids or the G/F any favours and no wonder you can't sleep. Time to decide what you want to do and be honest, stand up to wife and tell her what decision you mave made and stick with it. Going on like you are will cause you to lose everything both the wife, and kids and the G/F not to mention a serioous amount of assets and $$$.


Wake up, work out what you really want and stand and deliver and move forward. Its your life so make the most of it and do what you believe will make you happy and content you only get one bite of the apple so go for it


good luck
Very difficult decision….specially when there’s a 3rd person…


You, your wife and your girlfriend are adults. Right? Any decision you take, the 3 adults are going to deal with even if this decision it’s hard to accept.


But your kids…they don’t understand all this adults’ affair...all they want and all they care is dad and mom happy forever and have a normal family like any other kid.


I went through all that. We had so many problems, especially with my older son (smoking weed) and my husband trying to kick him out. We had a ‘new problem’ every single day! Even though we tried to be discreet for the kids, it was just a hell….at one point; I used the stayed in the car, near home just to kill time! I found relieve in a gentle and very lovely man… but then I realized that I was complicating more my life. Where was the solution being with this guy???? I wanted my kids to have a normal family, no weed, no fights, smiles all the time, enjoyable family activities, etc but having another guy in my life was not going to give them all that! We ‘adults’ have to do something else than just take the easiest way – We have the solution - not the kids! Our children they just follow us…


We went to see a pastor (he is also a psychotherapist) and he really helped us – God restored our marriage but we have to do our part and it was not easy! one of the rules were: giving my husband and kids a great big hug and kiss when I get home, never fights but conversations, take care of each other being calm, tender, loving, caring, etc. never complain, never blame but be optimistic and to pray a lot! Believe me that we saw the change in our kids; my son’s eczema went away, my older was more focused and easy going, the younger had better performance at school.





I mean, when we have kids, you can not be selfish and only think about what’s more convenient and easy for you – your are not longer alone - those kids depended on you and every bad or good thing you do – will have an impact on your children, your feelings will also have an impact on your children – your decision of course will have an impact on your kids.


Now, they’re just kids but if “both” parents do not do a good job…then the big problem is just ahead… (when adolescents).





On the other hand, we are not probably in the same boat!!!


So, any decision you take, just think about your kids before, talk with your wife about the wellbeing of the kids as well as all of you. Everything you do, please do it right and do it thinking about your kids!


I have some divorced friends and apparentely everything is stable and had no problem with their kids. This is because they went to consult an intermediate and social worker (pastor or similar professional help or advisor) and this particular couple is doing a really good job with their kids (one week each).


Don’t forget that your girlfriend has to like and be aware that you’re going to have your kids with you very often.


May God bless you and your family always!





Here is an interesting link:


http://www.parenting.org/archive/discovery/parenting/2001-02/Jan02_divorce.asp



I know someone who held it in for years. My aunt was with my Uncle for over 20 years. One day she just told my Uncle she didn't love hime anymore and walked out. As shocking as he was it was no surprise that my aunt was not happy for a long time. This month will be 6 months and thier divorce will be final. My aunt has planned to celebrate this weekened for the divorce. My Uncle still in denial. Hit him like a rock. Don't hold it in. Tell her so that you and she can go on with your lives. Don't wait!!!!