After you have commited yourself to someone...built a life together and you have to end the relationship because of an affair or some other justifiable reason. How do you move on without self-destructing? How do you not carry that hurt and pain with you? How do you just let go? How do you accept the possibility of really being alone for the rest of your life and be happy?How do you stop loving someone? How do you move on after a long-term relationship?
If you are 100% confident that your relationship cannot be repaired, or if your partner has continually crossed your boundaries, then you have some very deep rooted problems that stem from a different set of values. Counseling may help you both to learn what your differences are and find ways to understand each other better. However, if you really feel that your relationship cannot be repaired then the best thing you need to do is focus on yourself.
Before this person entered your life, you were happy being with just you, right? That means that you can get there again. All you have to do is focus on one day at a time. Just for today, all you have to do is do something nice for yourself. Schedule it in, and make sure you follow through, like it was a date with yourself. You would never let a date stand you up, so live with the same set of standards for yourself. If you like to read, then plan to find a really nice spot for you to take your book and read for awhile. Get a book that will empower you. All you have to do is focus on getting through today, and planning something fun for tomorrow. If you just focus on one day at a time, they will all add up and before you know it, you will start to feel happy again. Treat yourself the way you would want someone to treat you. Doing these things on your own is a great life lesson. It teaches you that having a partner is nice and can make life sweeter, but life has to be sweet already for someone to make it sweeter. A partner is a finishing touch to an already good life. A lot of times, people lose their own identity when they meet their partner, but it is important not to lose your identity, but find some balance.
You probably planned a lot of your life out with him, but seeing as that has changed, you have to come up with a plan B for yourself. When you feel strong enough, start making some plans for you, and when you do meet someone new, don't give up your own plans for a life with that person, factor them in, so you stay true to yourself.
Give yourself some time to deal with the emotions of letting go, but only allow yourself a set amount of time, such as maybe 45 minutes in the day, and it can be divided up however you want or need. Maybe this time you take five minutes to feel sad or grieve, but when that time is up, you focus on doing something good for yourself because that is your past and your present is about you now. When you get focused on getting through today, and making an effort to get out there and live life, you will see brighter tomorrows much sooner than if you did nothing. Good luck to you!How do you stop loving someone? How do you move on after a long-term relationship?
U will accpet the fact of being alone...alot of people are scared of that, I was but I learned to deal w/ it. I decided that I would rather die alone than to die w/ him!
When ur heart is broke only time will make it better...make new memories and find someone to keep ur mind off him, that works wonders (speaking from experience) I don't know what I'd be doing if this person didn't come in my life to take the focus off the one that broke my heart! I swear that is one thing I do thank god about!!
It will get easier and better I promise!
It is horribly painful, and it is a process that will take time.
You can try different things...Try to go to church, even if you are not a religious person. Ask God to heal your heart and mind.
Also, go to therapy. A good counselor can give you tips on how to handle your grief. It won't happen overnight, but it will help if you are persistent.
Another thing you might consider doing is keeping busy. Having friends around can cheer you up, and keep your mind from thinking about your ex.
As the Chinese saying goes..';Time can be your best friend..OR your worst enemy!'; This means you need to focus on yourself, and work on not getting depressed and on not giving the other person the power to hurt you or to keep you paralyzed, unable to move on.
Right now, you feel devastated and lost. It's natural...be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time. Someday in the future you will be able to look back on this and realize that things happen for a reason....and exes are exes for good ones,too!
it is the normal emotional reaction to not let go.. we all sit here crying ';why why did this happen '; then a few minutes later go '; i cant belive that piece of crap what was i thinking... i should have seen the signs from the begining....... i am so gonna find someone else'; then back to '; man what the hell why what did i do'; ......its normal.... dont sweat it we all go threw it... i have just learned to have to let go ... if we dwell on it we really arnt going anywhere.... thats not healthy not to grow...you will always find someone else... life is what you make of it... you wernt searching for them so why should this time around be any different???
Find other things to fill your time, volunteer work, hobbies, etc....If you left, there was a good reason, just know that the pain will subside and you will be a better person for it someday. Being alone the rest of your life has got to be better than living a tortured life.
That is not an easy question I know, but unfortunately there is not an easy answer. I was married for 5 years, (not considering the dating period) when he cheated. You take it day by day and my friends helped me. There were some days better than others. But as time went by it did get easier. You can't rush it and you can't make the hurt go away over night. Someone you love hurt you and that kind of hurt is not easy to take. But one thing I will let you know, when I wanted to cry I did. It was a big re-leaser. You could also try and get some professional help. Try both parties to help. Too bad we don't have the power to just shut off our feelings. Good luck
u won't let go of it right away, its a process u must go through, takes time to be able to suddenly separate yourself from who u were and be comfortable for what its become. the pain doesn't just go away, but u have to make an effort to begin a new life. seek self help therapy where u will meet others who have already been there and done that, as u will need a support system. and who better to help u but someone who has already bee there their self. understand your self worth doesn't lie in who u were with him, but who u are in god.
Who said you'd be alone for the rest of your life? Listen, people come and go in our lives. Our children grow up and move away or become involved in their own families. Sometimes people leave us through divorce, or even death. People are just people and can let us down. What are we left with? That's right! OURSELVES. You will always be able to depend on YOU. If your spouse died, you'd have to pick up the pieces, and move forward. Your marriage has died, so you have to move yourself forward. All I can tell you is that you just DO. You put one foot in front of the other until you can feel the spring back in your step again. You do it even when you don't feel like it, until finally you DO feel like living again. Surround yourself with positive friends and family that will help keep you busy. Get a new hobby. Travel...go places you always wanted to, but didn't, but KEEP YOURSELF GOING. You have two choices here. You can lay down with the curtains drawn until you die, OR you can live an abundant life is SPITE of what has happened to you. Divorce will not kill you, Honey. True happiness comes from within. It's something you give yourself...not something you can get from another person. Once you discover that, you will be able to live again. You are a beautiful, warm, funny, intelligent woman. FOCUS ON THAT. It's not what happens to bring us down that counts. It's how you roll with it that counts! Now, get to work on loving YOU as much or more than you loved that man that did you wrong, and watch what happens!
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